Coming out & kicking butt
- February 7, 2015 - 3:33pm
Anthony Nicodemo figured out he was gay in his early 20s. But it was not until he’d been coaching basketball for 18 years – and had just finished his fourth as head coach at Saunders High School in Yonkers, N.Y. – that he felt ready to come out of the closet.
And when he did, he roared out with all the intensity and power of a full-court press.
The catalyst for Nicodemo’s announcement was the first-ever Nike Sports Summit in Portland, Ore. Held in June 2013 – less than two months after NBA player Jason Collins came out – the event brought together dozens of LGBT activists and athletes.
“I sat surrounded by these people, and realized I was tired of hiding where I was, and who I was with,” Nicodemo recalls. “All that worrying was exhausting.”
His one fear was that someone would say he could no longer coach. He knew Saunders was poised to do great things, and he loved his job.
But that did not stop him. On the plane home from Oregon, he knew he was ready.
Nicodemo made a list of people to tell: his athletic director, principal and a local reporter who was also a good friend.
The key was, of course, his players. They were starting their summer workouts. The coach called a meeting with them, administrators and a couple of parents.
He told them he’d been lying about something for a long time. Now, he said, he needed to tell the truth.
The initial reaction was shock, Nicodemo remembers. But very quickly, the players stepped up. “Who cares?” one said. The parents added their support.
Only one slightly negative note was struck. One newspaper story wondered how he would handle epithets, making it seem that they were inevitable. Administrators were asked what “safeguards” would be put in place. But that was as “bad” as it got.
As word spread, his colleagues – opposing coaches – reacted with support too. When he returned to school in the fall, he was met with dozens of thank-you cards and letters from across the country.
Then things really got fun.
Blue Devil players have met their coach’s gay friends, including LGBT activists.
Nike sent a set of “Be True” shirts. On their own, the team decided to wear them while warming up before a game. Nicodemo let Saunders administrators know ahead of time, in case there would be a problem. There wasn’t.
Players have not been afraid to broach LGBT subjects with their coach. Recently, he says with satisfaction, the subject of trans people came up. “The kids really wanted to know more,” he says. “We had a very thought-provoking discussion.”
Nicodemo has a high profile in Yonkers – New York state’s fourth largest city. He’s joined the municipal government’s LGBT advisory board. During Pride festivities, a rainbow flag was raised over the city. At Saunders, a Gay-Straight Alliance was formed, with the coach as advisor.
His coming out sparked awareness and discussion beyond Yonkers, too. As director of the Lower Hudson Basketball Coaches Association, Nicodemo organized a workshop on LGBT issues. Two players from every team in the region heard panelists and participated in small-group seminars. This fall, athletes from all fall sports teams came together for a similar, larger event.
As one of the area’s top teams, Saunders is in demand for out-of-state tournaments. Last year, the Blue Devils traveled to Kentucky. Nicodemo was unsure of the reception he’d receive – or whether his players would be taunted for having a gay coach. He heard nothing, nor did anyone else on the team.
Last year – his first as an out coach – the Blue Devils finished third in the city. This year, right before Christmas, they won the city championship.
“Because we’re good, people can’t say much,” Nicodemo notes.
Personally, the decision to come out has been a game-changer for him. Nicodemo has met a nationwide network of LGBT basketball coaches and players, and many others working to raise awareness and acceptance of LGBT sports, who have become close friends. He’s traveled nationally, giving speeches and inspiring others to come out.
“It’s a real domino effect,” he says. “People realize ‘I can do this,’ they do it, and then others follow.”
More and more college and high school athletes are coming out – even some in middle school. Whenever he hears of one, Nicodemo reaches out to the young man or woman. “It’s inspiring to see,” he says. “They inspire me.”
Right now, Saunders is in the middle of its season. Nicodemo’s focus is less on LGBT activism, and more on Xs and Os.
“We’re tough,” he says. “And what a statement that makes: A team with a gay coach is winning games.”
Weekend in San Antonio
- February 2, 2015 - 8:03am
One of the largest cities in one of America’s fastest-growing states, San Antonio (visitsanantonio.com) is also a land of exciting changes. The city has long been a favorite destination thanks to its attractive downtown River Walk and sterling museums, but in recent years San Antonio has also developed an increasingly innovative, hip and progressive culinary, design and arts scene, much of it centered on the impressive former Pearl Brewery complex, now a mixed-use neighborhood with cool shopping and dining. It’s also begun to rival other major cities around the state – such as Houston, Dallas and nearby Austin – as a favorite getaway among gay and lesbian travelers.
There’s much to see in this 400-square-mile metropolis, and there are fun things to do throughout the year, from the long-running Fiesta San Antonio in late April to the up-and-coming Culinaria wine and food fest in May to San Antonio’s Pride Bigger Than Texas Festival held over July 4 weekend. Whatever time you choose to visit, here are tips on planning the ideal gay San Antonio weekend vacation.
Friday Night
On your first evening in town, stick around downtown and the River Walk, which abound with inviting restaurants, many with outdoor seating along this famed waterway. Good bets for dining include Kimura (kimurasa.com), a izakaya-style Japanese restaurant that turns out tasty pork-ginger gyoza and chashu ramen with pork belly, and trendy Ocho (havanasanantonio.com), at the LGBT-owned Hotel Havana. It serves delish pan-Latin tapas and creative cocktails and has a solarium-style dining room with lovely river views. There’s also one LGBT nightclub downtown, the long-running Bonham Exchange (bonhamexchange.com), a multilevel complex with a huge dance floor.
Saturday
In the morning, spend some more time checking out downtown attractions, shopping and also the River Walk, which looks quite different by day. Be sure to check out La Villita, a nearby complex of more than two dozen arts and crafts shops; the Alamo (of course); and the new Briscoe Western Art Museum, which opened in the handsome former San Antonio Library following an $18 million revamp late in 2013.
Then venture north along the beautiful, and relatively uncrowded, Museum Reach span of River Walk, stopping by the stellar San Antonio Museum of Art, which is renowned for its strong collections of both Asian and Latin American works. Also take note of the new Tobin Center for Performing Arts – this architectural showcase presents Broadway touring shows, music concerts and performances by Ballet San Antonio, the San Antonio Choral Society, and Opera San Antonio.
You’ll find excellent lunch options along Museum Reach, including the Luxury, whose kitchen occupies a converted freight container. Grab a seat in the large, shaded courtyard and enjoy a local beer and such downhome fare as pulled-pork and fried-chicken sandwiches, followed by fried Snickers bars with condensed milk. Just a bit farther up the River Walk, at Pearl Brewery, other great lunch spots include trendy Sandbar (sandbarsa.com), a seafood restaurant, and casual La Gloria (chefjohnnyhernandez.com), which is dedicated to interior Mexico–style street food.
As the day wears on, spend more time at what’s become one of the most intriguing creative neighborhoods in Texas, the 20-acre Pearl Brewery District (the historic neighborhood just east, along Broadway, has also seen quite a lot of notable redevelopment). Built in the 1880s, the Pearl complex has morphed into an eco-friendly, mixed-use urban village rife with fine shopping, nightlife and dining as well as a state-of-the-art campus of the Culinary Institute of America and a new Kimpton lodging, Hotel Emma.
Browse the several diverting boutiques around here, breaking for artisan coffee inside the Local (localcoffeesa.com), a hip artisan roaster with a high-ceilinged contemporary sipping room. Or come down on Saturday morning to check out the outstanding Pearl Brewery Farmers Market, which runs from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m.
In the early evening, pop into one of the area’s fun nightspots, such as Stay Golden Social House, a “boozeteria” with plenty of outdoor seating, run by the same team behind downtown’s hipster-approved Brooklynite; or Tuk Tuk Taproom (tuktuktaproom.com), a lively lounge specializing in Asian-style street food and craft beers (the tamarind pork belly soup is a favorite). There’s also one lovably divey gay bar in the neighborhood, the One-O-Six.
Outstanding dinner venues abound at the Pearl, with Cured (curedatpearl.com) among the hottest dining spots in central Texas. It’s set in a modernly redesigned 1904 building and serves a tantalizing selection of charcuterie (jalapeño sausage, goat-citrus terrine, 120-day-aged pancetta), plus New Orleans-inspired meaty adventures like pork cheeks poutine and corned-beef tongue. Or consider NAO (naorestaurant.com), with its exhibition kitchen and curvy dining room. Operated by the Culinary Institute of America, this snazzy spot specializes in “new world flavors” – think mahimahi ceviche, Caribbean-spiced roasted pork belly and char-grilled octopus with cilantro pesto.
Following dinner, it’s a short drive west to the cluster of gay bars in Tobin Hill. Here, just a few steps from one another, are several very popular gay bars, including the high-energy dance clubs Heat (heatsa.com) and Pegasus (pegasussanantonio.com), and the more laid-back Sparky’s Pub (sparkyspub.com), which has a couple of patios and serves pub food too. In the same vicinity, check out Essence, a roadhouse-style bar known for its sultry male dancers; the Saint, which puts on some pretty fun and campy drag shows; and the Annex (theannex-satx.com), a low-keyed gay neighborhood bar with a strong leather-and-Levi’s following.
Sunday
This is a good day to head in the opposite direction along the river from yesterday’s explorations, toward hip Southtown and historic King William, two eclectic neighborhoods just south of downtown, and then continuing on – by car or, better yet, bicycle – the Museum Reach stretch of River Walk to visit the string of San Antonio missions.
These neighborhoods have some terrific brunch options, including Fruteria (chefjohnnyhernandez.com), the Southtown outpost of the small empire of superb modern Mexican restaurants run by charismatic chef Johnny Hernandez. Grab a seat on the patio and enjoy one of the delicious tortas, or seasonal fruit blends. At night, the restaurant serves wonderful cocktails, premium tequilas, and creative botanas (snacks), from gorditas to crab-jalapeño–stuffed chile rellenos. Also consider Feast (feastsa.com), located in a natty Southwest-meets-Deco building and serving terrific contemporary American fare with Mediterranean influences (for brunch try the “eggs in hell” – three baked eggs in a spicy tomato sauce with grilled bread and charred-lemon polenta).
Over the past several years, the River Walk has been extended from three to 15 miles, with Museum Reach added in 2009 – and the Mission Reach opened in fall 2013 – and providing access to the city’s four Spanish Colonial missions. Collectively operated as San Antonio Missions National Historic Park (nps.gov/saan), this string of religious structures created in the 18th century begins with the iconic Alamo, downtown. As you continue south, you’ll come to Mission Conception, the especially picturesque Mission San Jose (also home to the park’s official visitor center), Mission San Juan and Mission Espada. From downtown, it’s about a 10-mile car or bike ride – you can rent from the B-cycle program (see sanantonio.bcycle.com for a map of stations) or Blue Star bike rentals in Southtown.
In the evening, return to Southtown for dinner and drinks at one of the hip venues in these parts, such as the convivial Friendly Spot (thefriendlyspot.com), with its large pet-friendly outdoor seating area and encyclopedic selection of beer. Hot Joy (hotjoysa.com), a sister to the also excellent Monterey (themontereysa.com) bar and restaurant, specializes in pan-Asian made-for-sharing fare, such as smoked-brisket ramen and migas-fried rice with tortilla chips, tomatillo jaew, egg, cheddar and cilantro.
If you have a little time or are staying in San Antonio more than a couple of days, keep in mind the many other outstanding attractions in the city. Highlights include the McNay Art Museum, the San Antonio Botanical Garden and Brackenridge Park, which is also home to the San Antonio Zoo, Japanese Tea Gardens and Witte Museum.
Where to Stay
The Pearl Brewery District receives its first hotel in spring 2015: the 146-room Hotel Emma (thehotelemma.com), a snazzy boutique property operated by LGBT-popular hotelier Kimpton that’s been created inside the 1880s brew house (it’s named for Pearl Brewery founder Otto Koehler’s wife, Emma). The historic St. Anthony Hotel (thestanthonyhotel.com), part of Starwood’s Luxury Collection following a $25 million restoration, is another hot spot. This 1909 beauty on downtown’s Travis Park has contemporary, art-filled rooms and a new restaurant created by the LGBT restaurateur behind Southtown’s Feast, Andrew Goodman.
Hotel Contessa (thehotelcontessa.com) is notable for its handsome, spacious rooms with floor-to-ceiling river views and 12-story atrium lobby. The rooftop pool is a lovely place for a swim or a soak in the hot tub while admiring downtown skyline views. Set inside a former saddlery on the River Walk, the Mokara Hotel (hmokarahotels.com) occupies a former saddlery and has 99 of the most luxurious in the state, as well as a cushy spa and fantastic dining in its Ostra restaurant.
A hip, intimate hotel set inside a 1914 Mediterranean Revival former boarding school, the 28-room Havana Riverwalk Inn (havanasanantonio.com), opened by Austin-based lesbian design maven and hotelier Liz Lambert, is on a gorgeous stretch of River Walk, right beside the new Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, and it’s home of the sceney restaurant and bar Ocho.
Excellent, gay-friendly smaller options include the Arbor House (arborhouse.com), run by innkeepers Ron Stinson and Adolph Garcia, which has seven spacious suites (including a large Jacuzzi suite) and a great location near La Villita and the River Walk, and Eva’s Escape at Gardenia Inn (evasescape.com), a stately white-columned mansion with a double veranda and stunningly appointed rooms. It’s on a quiet residential street in historic King William, near several lively restaurants along South Alamo Street. The stupendous breakfasts served each morning, such as baked French toast with praline topping, have earned this elegant hideaway plenty of fans.
SAME SEX MARRIAGE AND ITS RETURN TO THE SUPREME COURT
- January 27, 2015 - 2:52pm
The Supreme Court will consider four major same-sex marriage cases from Michigan, Kentucky, Chicago and Tennessee, making it possible for a ruling that could bring marriage equality to all 50 states.
It was agreed upon to hear a challenge to state laws that still ban same-sex marriage in several states. The case asks the supreme court to declare the constitutional right to marry.
The supreme court has scheduled two and a half hours for oral arguments. The arguments have not yet been scheduled but will most likely happen in April followed by a ruling in late June to early July. These oppositions to gay marriage bans will have a much larger impact than those decided by the court in 2013. United States v. Windsor, forced the federal government to recognize gay marriages, and Hollingsworth v. Perry, made California the 13th state to allow them.
These cases never resolved whether gays and lesbians have a Constitutional right to marry and whether states do or do not have the right to ban same-sex marriage. If the court ruled against gay marriage, what would happen to those same sex couples already married in Nevada? What would happen to those couples if they moved to another state? These questions should make you more positive about the outcome.
The court knows it would be a huge mess to go backwards once all these states have started allowing same sex couples to marry.
Joshua Newville, a lead attorney who is representing 13 same-sex couples throughout North and South Dakota stated that by the court not deciding cases last year, means they have really already decided the cases. He stated, “It is extremely unlikely that the court will rule against marriage equality,” “The practical effect would be that states which passed same-sex marriage laws already, and those where the decision was made at a state court level, would be fine. States where a federal judicial decree gained them marriage equality, in the immediate term would be fine, unless someone with standing tried to challenge the decision to reverse it. That would be a tricky concept. These are the reasons we believe that there is no way the court could rule against us. No one really wants to answer this question, because it is simply too tricky.”
Evan Wolfson, the founder and president of the advocacy group Freedom to Marry, said prior to the court announcing it would hear the appeal, “After decades of debate and litigation, we have made the case for the freedom to marry already; the justices—like the American people—no doubt already know the answer, and it’s time now to bring the country to national resolution.”
Be Mine On A Dime
- January 27, 2015 - 2:46pm
In this age of fleeting swipe-right relationships, consider yourself lucky if you’ve got someone to call your own this Valentine’s Day. To show him or her how much you care, ditch the big production and get back to basics with these ideas to help you express your affection without a whole lot of expense.
1. Make a surprise visit to the office for an impromptu lunch date
Dinner reservations at a decent restaurant are hard to come by on Feb. 14, but lunch is usually wide open. Skip the lines tonight and move your romantic meal up a few hours by surprising your partner at his or her workplace with an invitation to join you at a special spot in town. Worried that the time constraint will force you to rush? Slow it down and abandon the dine-in option altogether by bringing a picnic (or something that you grabbed on your way) that you can share in a quiet cove nearby.
2. Participate in a couple’s activity that facilitates closeness
Daily-deal sites like Groupon and LivingSocial are excellent resources for finding inexpensive activities that you and your significant other can do together. Options will vary by area, but even with minimal research you should be able to come up with a great activity to create a new memory – like naked yoga or a fencing class, for instance.
3. Take the day off and head out for an adventure
Feeling less than connected lately? Make an effort to reignite that fire by taking the day off work so you two can concentrate on the relationship. Sleep in, have breakfast together, and then head out for a local adventure with the goal of being attentive and affectionate to one another for the duration of the day.
4. Set up a cozy candle-lit screening of your favorite films at home
Just like every restaurant in town, movie theaters also will be mobbed on Valentine’s Day – which gives you the perfect excuse to plan a private film screening at home. Instead of ordering a new release on-demand and cuddling up on the couch like you usually do, pull out all the stops by turning the night into a lovefest. Build a comfortable “screening nest” that consists of piles of pillows and blankets, provide your partner’s favorite snacks and drinks, and pick up a few movies from a bargain bin or a neighborhood rental kiosk that you’ll both enjoy.
5. Get in the kitchen and cook dinner as a couple
Cupid never intended for one half of the couple to do all the prep work on Valentine’s Day just so the other can reap the benefits. Rather, this celebration is about making each other feel loved and appreciated, and that’s only accomplished if you’re each contributing equally. One delicious way you two can spend quality time together while getting your hands dirty and enjoying the fruits of said labor is to cook a romantic meal side by side. The one with the most kitchen talent can still take the lead, so long as it’s a combined effort all the way to the finish. There’s no law against cooking in the buff either – just so you know.
6. Invite excitement to the bedroom by making an intimate video
Two consenting adults can do whatever they’d like in the comfort of their own home, and sometimes that includes a camera. If you’re feeling especially randy (and body confident; what’s the point of making a sex tape if you won’t want to watch it afterward?), set the mood and get psyched for a night of naughty lovemaking a la Chi Chi LaRue.
7. Browse an antique shop together to find a thoughtful gift separately
Valentine’s Day should never be about material possessions, but there’s a way to make buying your sweetie something tangible much more memorable. Instead of ordering an arbitrary item online or stopping by the florist on the drive home, schedule an outing to a local antique shop. Once there, establish a reasonable budget (say, $20 each) and go your separate ways to find a thoughtful, personalized trinket for the other that you’ll both cherish forever.
8. Rent a cheap motel room and enjoy a tantalizing little tryst
Sex can get stale in the same environment over and over – and Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to spice things up. This year, go low – rent, that is – by booking a less-than-luxurious motel room to set up a seedy-yet-steamy encounter with your S.O. In anticipation of the evening’s events, sext your partner throughout the day to help elevate their arousal level so they’re rarin’ to go as soon as they step through the door.
9. Set up a relaxing and romantic at-home spa experience Cutting costs doesn’t mean you’re cutting quality so long as you’re committed to being creative. You can save several hundred dollars on professional spa treatments by eliminating the middleman and getting down to business one on one. Give each other a body trim, soak in a hot tub, swap massages, and let the rest of night fulfill itself.
10. Recreate your very first date
There’s a reason why you two fell in love – even if it’s sometimes hard to remember it. Take a trip down memory lane this Valentine’s Day by retracing your first date from start to finish – whatever that may entail. The feelings from that initial encounter will come flooding back like they never left, and you’ll be reminded the myriad of reasons that you work so hard to keep this one-of-a-kind coupling intact.