Eric Barthold helps boys ‘man up’
- March 2, 2015 - 1:07pm
As a junior at Colby College, Eric Barthold took an education class called “Boys to Men.” When a senior writing her thesis about sexual assaults on the Maine campus spoke to the class, Barthold felt uncomfortable. A soccer player and ski racer in high school, he realized that much of that discussion involved the role of male athletes.
He co-founded a club called Male Athletes Against Violence. Soon renamed Mules Against Violence – in honor of Colby’s mascot – the group had two goals: to raise awareness of sexual assault on campus, and change the stereotypes of male athletes. MAV members did unexpected-for-jocks things, like partnering with the gay-straight alliance, and joining the quilting club to sew in the student center.
A “Take Back the Night” anti-sexual violence event – typically attended by 30 people – drew 200, when MAV invited representatives of every sports team to attend.
After graduating in 2012, Barthold taught English, and coached soccer and ski racing. He also interned for 11 months with Grassroot Soccer, an international organization that uses soccer to educate communities to stop the spread of HIV.
As he worked with young men, Barthold realized that Colby’s program could spread beyond his small New England school. He developed a program he could take to male sports teams. He called it “Man Up and Open Up.”
“Man Up” sessions are hour-long conversations that center on American society’s idea of what it means to be a “real man.” Barthold helps middle and high school boys understand the power of language, and the homophobia and sexism that pervades the subject of masculinity. He gets teenagers talking about an often-taboo subject: “What does it mean to be a guy?”
A key component of the workshop is a “Man Box.” Barthold draws out the many stereotypes of masculinity. Inside the box are words like “cool, confident, stoic, tall, responsible.” Outside are “wimp, soft, flamboyant, girly, gay.” That leads to a discussion of the pressures boys feel to act a certain way – and the anxiety that accompanies those pressures. “Boys never realize they’re under those pressures,” Barthold notes. “Being able to see them, and name them, is really important.”
Next, Barthold asks how boys can continue to live “inside” that box – but also outside it. The rest of the session follows from there.
Berthold asks why the stereotypes outside the “Man Box” are characterized as “weak” or “feminine” by the boys. Challenges to masculinity – “Don’t be a pussy,” “Are you a fag?” – arise at nearly every workshop.
Barthold tries to help boys understand that they can exist both inside and outside the box. He’ll ask if someone can be two things at once – for example, gay and tough. To prove his point, he talks about a friend from Colby who is a national champion sprinter. “When I hear someone say ‘that’s so gay,’ he’s the person I think of!” Barthold says.
“It’s important to break through the cloud of anxiety that separates the ‘Man Box’ from the outside,” he adds. “Most boys haven’t thought of things that way. But if these conversations help boys see that they can be responsible, sensitive and caring – and still be ‘masculine’ – they’ll feel more free to live their lives not just inside one small box.”
Through his “Man Up” workshops, Barthold has connected with a broad group of people who are talking about masculinity in American society. He realizes that attitudes in the Northeast – where he has done the bulk of his work – may not be the same as the rest of the nation. But that’s all the more reason to keep working.
Feedback has been excellent. A high school dean of students says Barthold’s ability “to get to the core of the issue, dissect gender stereotypes and behaviors, use humor and storytelling, and talk openly and honestly about issues facing the male population today, is unmatched.” A physical education teacher suggested the program be standard curriculum for middle and high school boys.
But the most important praise comes from boys themselves. “Trying to fit into the stereotypical ‘man box’ is not something we should try to fit into,” said a student at Carrabasset Mountain Academy. “The media tries to play up that kind of man.”
“I liked how Eric was so open to our ideas,” added a student at Burke Mountain Academy. “I also liked how he showed us how much pressure we exert on ourselves, and how we can help each other as a community to relieve some of this pressure.”
Times are changing quickly, Berthold says. More and more boys are aware of gay athletes, and each month another male sports figure comes out. But every time he draws a “Man Box,” the same words appear inside the box – and out. So Eric Berthold will continue to “Man Up.”
Ricky Martin talks love life
- February 27, 2015 - 11:52pm
A single tweet changed Ricky Martin’s life, and then it changed the world.
When the internationally famed Puerto Rican heartthrob came out in 2010, declaring himself on Twitter “a fortunate homosexual man” who’s “very blessed to be who I am,” Martin, 43, stepped out of the closet and into himself. Reflecting the free life he’s currently basking in are the raw sounds and personal soliloquies on the singer’s 10th studio album, A Quien Quiera Escuchar (To Whomever Wants to Listen).
In conversation, Martin is notably laid-back, sincere and personal as he opens up about how his six-year-long relationship with Carlos Gonzalez Abella inspired his latest music (“I love being in love”), what he’s really trying to convey with all his shirtless selfies and the “powerful” coming out stories the LGBT community shares with him. And whether he’s ruminating on his two sons or anticipating shaking his bon-bon with more male dancers onstage, his smile radiates even on the phone. This is a new, happier Ricky Martin, and yes, we’re listening.
On behalf of the gay community, thank you for all you do. The world is a better place because of your shirtless selfies.
(Laughs) Oh, man – thank you very much. I laugh so much at the reaction of the people; it’s so funny. It really is amazing.
I get a kick out of it too. Are you more comfortable without clothes? Or do you feel it’s just your responsibility as a celebrated sex symbol?
I just want to let people know how normal my life is, and I try to do it with a simple picture – that’s what Instagram is about. So the other day I was laying in the sun and I was like, “Hey everyone, I’m here. I’m in a good place.” You know, I’m a little bit obsessed with social media, to be honest. That’s the first thing I do in the morning. I check out my Twitter, my HeyHey account, Facebook and Instagram, and I read what people have to say and what they need from me as an artist. It’s fun, man.
You’ve always been a sex symbol, but how does it feel being a sex symbol for a community of gay men who know you’re playing on their team? Is it different when there’s that mutual attraction?
Listen, for me, it’s about liberty and it’s about being you – me, in this case – and living life with transparency and just being. It’s so amazing to know that you have nothing to hide, man. What you see is what you get. And this is me. And I don’t wear a mask to go onstage, and the support that I’ve received from my community since I came out has been amazing. It’s one of those things that (makes) you say, “Oh my god, why didn’t I do this before?” But then again, Chris, you know how it goes – everybody accepts who they are at their own time. When I sent that tweet a few years ago just letting people know that I am gay it was the most amazing day of my life after the birth of my kids. And it is what it is. Now my life is simple and honest and transparent, and this is me. And that’s what my social media’s about – being yourself.
The ladies have obviously been infatuated with you since the beginning of your career – since you were in Menudo. But when did you first realize that LGBT fans enjoyed you as well?
It’s always been there. Before I came out the love was there and I was very thankful. Now, when I got to work directly with the community once I came out, it went to another level and it’s felt amazing, but once again, just being able to talk to the media about who we are and what we want and what we need, it’s just so powerful. The equality slogan translates so easily in any language.
A Quien Quiera Escuchar sounds like you at your most authentic. I hear your essence, your spirit, your zest for life. How does it feel to be able to be yourself musically?
When I started recording this album I had no idea what I wanted to talk about, which is completely different to what it was like in the past, when I said, “OK, I think I wanna get into the studio,” and I had a blank canvas in front of me and all I did was throw colors and started working with amazing producers, and they helped me. It was the most amazing psychoanalysis, to be honest, to work with other writers and co-producers who helped me to put myself in order.
I started recording this album exactly a year ago in Australia and then we went to Los Angeles and we recorded in Miami. I also recorded in Puerto Rico. What I’m trying to say is that everything about this creative process was so organic and so relaxed, and I didn’t have pressure from anybody. I just allowed myself to open my book and I started reminiscing, remembering different experiences that I had in my personal life and being able to point out specific emotions that I’ve been through – not necessarily this year, but through my life. And then, I think, A Quien Quiera Escuchar was born, you know? I listened to it today and I’m like, “Wow – there is poetry and there is honesty in these lyrics.” And there are some powerful slogans that people are quoting through social media. People are gravitating to (these lyrics) and using them and turning them into their own slogans. Once again, it’s about honesty. It’s about vulnerability.
How much of the music on this album was inspired by your own personal love life, particularly your time with ex-partner Carlos Gonzalez Abella?
After six years of being in a very steady relationship with him, yes, we have a lot of stories and we have a lot of moments of love and lots of light and yes, he is part of this album. It’s not about what I’ve lived (through) this year that we broke up or even the last five years. It’s decades of allowing myself to really go back and remember specific relationships that really (affected) me in many ways. And it became music. It’s never too late.
You’ll be touring all year across the world.
I’m addicted!
Live, do you still even perform “She Bangs”?
If people ask for it, I will perform it. I would become the character in the video and I would perform it.
You’ve always been flanked by female dancers. Now that you’re out and proud, does that mean that more male dancers get in on the mix?
Hey, let’s be fair: Come on, it’s about equality, you know? And when I walk onstage I present different scenarios of life and, yes, I do have more one-on-one dancing with male dancers, but when you’re at a party, you just dance. It doesn’t matter who’s next to you, you grab a guy’s or a girl’s hand and you just go for it. And that’s what my show is about. It’s about freedom. And it’s about being comfortable in your own skin.
That must be a great feeling for you to be comfortable enough to dance with a guy in front of millions of people.
It’s greaaaaat! And the reaction of the audience is even better! (Laughs)
Now that you’re back on the market, what is dating like for someone as widely known as Ricky Martin?
(Laughs) Mmmm. To be honest, I love being in a relationship, Chris. I love waking up in the morning and, if you’re not with your boyfriend, (sending) that first message or text in the morning: “Hey baby, how ya doing? I hope you’re fine. I just woke up. I’m doing this and this and this today.” I loooove that. I really do. And I love picking up my phone and waiting for that reply from that text – it’s great. But at the same time, right now, I’m enjoying being single. I’m enjoying this process. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be in a relationship – I would be lying to you. I love being in love.
You strike me as the hopeless romantic type.
I am, I am, I am! You’re damn right about that.
How often have men used a pickup line on you that references your bon-bon?
Ohh, man. If someone goes there I’d be like, “Dude, you gotta start again. I’ll give you another chance because of your pretty face.” (Laughs)
Considering your own coming out experience, what would you tell your 6-year-old twin sons, Matteo and Valentino, if one or both were to come out to you one day?
You know what, for us, at least in my family, that’s not an issue because that is the normal in my house. So if my kids ever tell me that they’re gay, I’ll be like, “Yeah? OK, cool! Brilliant! Bring it on.” But it all starts from the day that we’re born, and every time they ask me questions about anything – Who’s your boyfriend? How come I had two daddies? – the important thing is to answer with honesty and transparency. And it doesn’t matter how old your kids are. If they are capable of formulating a question, it’s because they are capable of receiving the answer.
Have you taught them the famous Ricky hip swivel yet?
Oh, it’s in their blood, buddy. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s there. (Laughs)
As an out gay man with an enormous platform, what do you hope you’ve contributed to the LGBT community?
I had the opportunity to write a book that is called Me and I’m very proud to say that it is a New York Times best-selling book. There have been people who’ve come to me and said, “Because of you and because of that book I know my father better, I know my grandmother, I know my uncle, my aunt, my sister, my brother.” And that’s it. I mean, I will always keep on talking about the importance of equality and basic human rights that we as members of the LGBT community are longing for, but to this day, and every day – the book was released about four years ago – I get a tweet or a Facebook post from someone saying, “Ricky, thank you so much for that book; it changed my life.”
What do those stories mean to you?
It tells me that my fears were just in my head and that I feel nothing but gratitude. And I get goose bumps, man, when I get these stories and these testimonies from people from all walks of life coming to me to say, “Listen, I was homophobic until I read your book.” It’s very powerful, and I’m very, very pleased.
