I’ve proudly been the editor of Gay Vegas for two years now. And yet, I only just visited Las Vegas this past March. If you’re wondering, it’s pretty typical for editors working in big markets to not be living in those same markets. There are plenty of benefits to this arrangement as well, including time zone differences and unique interview opportunities. But I would be lying if I said writing about Las Vegas every month didn’t make me want to visit. Well, early March 2017 would see it happen.

This was my experience.

Caesars Stay & Play

So, why was I in Vegas? I had traveled from Toronto, Canada to attend ClexaCon, a convention that brought together “queer women from a multitude of fandoms across TV, film, and the web to celebrate our presence in the media”. 

I obviously needed to stay pretty close to the convention floor, which happened to be located in Bally’s Las Vegas. You can’t get much closer and enjoy an equally as luxurious stay than with its connected sister property Paris Las Vegas. I made my home away from home in one of the hotel’s top floors in a newly renovated Burgundy Room with a view to die for. As for the room itself, gorgeous. A king-sized bed fit for a queen, a bathroom with a shower and separate tub, unique furniture and art pieces, plus the perfect workspace for my needs. I’ve been in enough functional but generic hotel rooms to recognize this is truly a dream experience.

But back to that view! Through my large windows, I could see the famous Caesars Palace, the Fountains of Bellagio and the Eiffel Tower Experience, the latter of which I was able to tour during my last day in Vegas. Having already seen Vegas from incredible heights on the High Roller (in a Happy Half Hour cabin after midnight, I might add – an experience I highly recommend. It’s exactly what it sounds like: bartender service for half an hour while you ride the High Roller with friends and friendly strangers), closing my visit with a 360-degree view from the top on a clear morning was the perfect way to say goodbye to Sin City. For that reason alone, I would recommend the Eiffel Tower Experience to any tourist. Did I also take advantage of Paris’ casino floor, dining options and bars while I was there? You know I did!

The Shows

With an endless amount of shows in Vegas and my stay lasting less than a week, I had to be picky with where I would spend my time. I ended up deciding on two shows that were inclusive of the LGBTQ community (the main reason I was coming to Vegas anyway): Frank Marino’s Divas Las Vegas at the LINQ and Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity at New York-New York.

Divas Las Vegas stars Vegas’ longest-running headliner, Frank Marino. As the name might lead you to believe, the show is an homage to our great divas, past, and present. What makes it unique? It’s a drag show on steroids! When I was in town, I was fortunate enough to see Marino impersonate the late Joan Rivers. But although Marino is quick with the jokes and spot-on with his introductions, it’s clear he wants the spotlight on his divas. And with good reason too, because they deliver. While the show is always changing, during my visit I got to see drag superstars take on the likes of Whitney Houston, Tina Turner, Cher, Celine Dion, Madonna, Dolly Parton, Lady Gaga, Adele and much more. An extra nice touch I appreciated was seeing Marino and his divas stick around after the show to meet fans and sign autographs. This is a classic Vegas experience I can’t recommend more.

As for Zumanity, it’s proof that while today there are more family-friendly options in Vegas, you can still find a show that is through and through for adults only. Let me tell you, this show is not for prudes! A show that sees many performers interact with several audience members, I can see how couples would enjoy Zumanity as a way to spice up date-night. While the show does feature some of the electrifying stunts that have come to define Cirque du Soleil, Zumanity’s focus is more so on intimate performances. This includes gay and lesbian acts, as well as a very queer host. The show also features an amazing house band and costumes that will blow you away. But don’t get me wrong – despite my talk of intimacy and beautiful artistic choices, this show has several comedic moments. As someone who attended the show alone, those moments helped ease me into the out-there Zumanity. 

Local Grub Hubs

Full disclosure: I’m not a foodie. But even non-foodies have to eat and even we can tell the difference between bad, so-so, good and really good. Luckily, with the help of some locals, I ate like royalty during most of my stay.

My first stop as a starved traveler was at Kaizen Fusion Roll and Sushi. I don’t think I’ve ever had sushi that looked that beautiful and tasted that good. I also had the chicken katsu, which was just delicious. Pro tip: review Kaizen on Yelp for a free appetizer!

Now when you’re not from Vegas, the idea of vintage Vegas is just seared into your head. The Peppermill Fireside Lounge fulfilled that image for me. Because the Peppermill is open 24 hours a day, I was able to pop by for a very late dinner. Well actually, I was in the mood for breakfast, so it was the Eggs Benedict I had. I also couldn’t resist a late-night coffee, what with the Peppermill’s rainbow-colored sugar calling to me. Loved my meal, enjoyed the quick service and couldn’t be happier with the purely Vegas setting.

As for lunch options, I had been dying to try the Bobbie at Capriotti’s on Paradise since we interviewed lesbian owner Kelly Gwinn for Gay Vegas. As someone who only eats a turkey meal once or twice a year, this Thanksgiving in a sandwich was a godsend. And because I have a sweet tooth, I also had one of their cookies and brownies. But hey, those were on separate occasions… I also lucked out and got my sandwich on a day Kelly was in and I got to meet her. Never got to thank her though for a sandwich that was so filling that it's leftover half doubled as my dinner that day too. So good!

And because I’m a sucker for Thai food, I had to go to the Lotus of Siam once I was given the recommendation. Unassuming in its Commercial Center strip mall location, this place is a true Vegas gem. Immediately hit with the smell of chili powder as I entered, I knew I had to have something spicy. I went with the spicy seafood fried rice and a side of dumplings. Delicious! After dinner, I took the time to look around the restaurant, noticing photos of various celebrities who had visited. I guess I wasn’t the only one who had heard good things.

Of course, it wasn’t all about fine dining. We don’t have White Castle and In-N-Out Burger in Toronto, so you know I couldn’t resist the temptation. I also kept things easy by eating at Yong Kang Street Dumpling & Noodle House at Paris instead of leaving the hotel, and by putting Bally’s food court to good use between ClexaCon panels as well (and, yes, I’ll have more on ClexaCon shortly). But I also got adventurous on this trip, trying Ethiopian for the first time. And what an unexpected adventure it was – dinner and a show! We showed up at Blue Nile Restaurant for the food but stayed a bit longer to take in the open mic comedy. Only in Vegas!

Random Fun

I had a lot of concrete plans while I was in Vegas, but fortunately, I was able to fit in a lot of frivolous fun too. Most of the credit for this goes to my publisher, John Lawrence, and his partner, Peter. By the time I finally met John in person, I had been working for and with him for just over two years. I already considered him a friend, and as soon as he picked me up at McCarran International that chemistry was confirmed. 

On that note, Vegas, your airport game is on point. I swear I was off my plane and outside waiting for my ride in 10 minutes, tops. That never happens in Toronto. The drive out of McCarran is also quite pretty, and you’re by the Strip in no time. Great way to get people to the casinos fast and keep them there as long as possible…

 Now, John kept me plenty busy that first day. Right from the airport, we were off to the Nevada State Museum where we met with its director, Dennis McBride, a local LGBTQ historian. I had read plenty of his interviews over the past two years, so I felt incredibly lucky to be gifted his new book, Out of the Neon Closet: Queer Community in the Silver State, and to have him sign it along with a personalized note. That book has got to be one of my favorite Vegas souvenirs.

Speaking of souvenirs, John took me next to the city’s arts district to pick up a custom Gay Vegas t-shirt. You better bet I put it on immediately and wore it for the rest of the day. It was also in this neighborhood that I saw our magazine on stands for the first time. I felt very proud in that moment.

After a late lunch and a nap back at my hotel room, John took me on our agreed upon magazine run. Only later that night did I realize he’d already hit up a vast majority of the places we visited but wanted to show me them anyway. For instance, John took me to the Wynn Hotel to show me the Singing Frog at the Lake of Dreams over cocktails. Don’t tell him, but my favorite part of that visit was discovering an Orange Is the New Black slot machine.

Later that night, John showed me Vegas’ various LGBTQ neighborhoods. I would use that information days later to go back for drinks and drag at Badlands Saloon. But it wasn't just clubbing, although we did enjoy stops at Piranha and FreeZone. Having written about The Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Southern Nevada on several occasions, John knew how important it was for me to visit. And although we stopped by there that night just so I could catch a glimpse, he made sure I visited the next day so I could actually get a tour.

John also took me around Downtown Las Vegas, including a stop at Zappos. I was fortunate enough to see several sides of Vegas most tourists never see, like the affluent Summerlin neighborhood.

And because we did end up setting aside a day for me to help John out on that magazine run, I got to check out the best hotels and casinos Vegas has to offer. Also, maybe, just maybe, I rode the sex bike at the Erotic Heritage Museum during a stop.

By the third day of my trip, ClexaCon had started and I had to say my goodbyes to John and Peter. I hated saying farewell because we had quickly bonded and they couldn’t have been more hospitable. There really is nothing like being shown around by a local. Nonetheless, something tells me we’ll be seeing each other again.

 ClexaCon

I talk about ClexaCon last because it’s by far what has left the most lasting impression on me. 

ClexaCon gave me the excuse I needed to finally visit Vegas. I know that may be surprising to read, but I’m not big on casinos, and every top act has performed in Toronto or has plans to. I always figured it would take a bachelorette party or something big to get me to Vegas. Fortunately, ClexaCon came first.

Now, I’ve been working as a journalist specializing in covering LGBTQ issues since 2012. As of late 2014, a good chunk of my focus shifted to queer entertainment coverage. But my attention to queer women’s representation in television, film and the web goes back 12 years to my teens. So ever since I could really think for myself, this stuff has mattered to me. In many ways, it’s been my world. So when I first heard that ClexaCon was happening, I thought, “This is for me. This is me.” Next, I thought, “I’m finally going to Vegas.”

If the name is throwing you off, let me explain. ClexaCon is named after the much-loved TV couple Clarke and Lexa of The CW’s The 100. Controversy followed after Lexa was killed off on the show just over a year ago. Her death sparked discussions around queer baiting and the “Bury Your Gays” trope. It also led to large sums being raised for The Trevor Project, an organization that focuses on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ and questioning youth, and to many television writers signing The Lexa Pledge, a commitment to treating LGBTQ characters more inclusively.

Lexa’s death was the breaking point for many and our community’s response to it was proof that we had the numbers to warrant a convention of our own where we could discuss the nice and not so nice representations of queer women in media. ClexaCon was born.

This first edition of ClexaCon took place from March 3 to March 5. I was there for all three days, and it was magical. Over 2,000 people attended from over 20 countries, the vast majority of them queer and trans women. I’ve never been at an event with so many like-minded people, or ever felt so at home at an event of such a size. Speaking to other attendees, I know I’m not the only one who felt this way.

There was a lot to do at ClexaCon, and I feel like I did a little bit of everything. I went to most of the celebrity reunions, I listened in on several panels and I even saw a film at their film festival. What I didn’t attend sounded really cool too, like their Cocktails for Change fundraiser, their SINFUL party, and their table talk lunches. And while I didn’t pay for any photo ops or autographs, I saw a lot of happy girls that did.

I noticed a lot of people seemed to know each other, only to realize they were meeting in person for the first time at ClexaCon (many had met through the likes of Twitter and Tumblr). While I tend to keep my relationship with social media pretty professional, I found that sense of friendship with fellow lesbian film critic Lisa Tedesco, who I also met in person for the first time at ClexaCon. She quickly became my convention BFF and constant meal companion.

As for the reunions I attended, you may not have heard of all of these shows, but just know that they span my early teen years to my present. We’re talking the likes of All My Children, South of Nowhere, Lost Girl, Person of Interest and Wynonna Earp. I also went to the LGBTQ Actresses in TV & Film presentation, which featured out Canadian actress Ali Liebert, whom I had met with earlier that weekend for work reasons (but, yes, I was fangirling on the inside). Between giving South of Nowhere’s Gabrielle Christian a head nod in the hallway, playing it cool with All My Children’s Elizabeth Hendrickson in the bathroom and freezing up around Lost Girl’s Zoie Palmer like I always will, I was shocked by the access to the talent and pleasantly surprised with how super respectful of boundaries attendees were.

Really, ClexaCon surprised me across the board. Long after I was committed to going, its modest list of celebrities kept growing, as did its list of panelists. The number of attendees also more than doubled initial expectations. ClexaCon was either going to disappoint and go down as representing one unique moment in time or be a huge success that begged for follow-up editions. Fortunately, the latter is the case, and I can only hope that, if a second convention is confirmed, Vegas is once again picked as the host city. I want to go back ASAP!

Hollywood spitfire and staunch LGBT ally Kelly Osbourne is feeling tense about her first book, There Is No F*cking Secret: Letters from a Badass Bitch. After all, “What if I change my opinion by the time it comes out?!” she says, laughing because it’s true. 
Then there’s our revealing interview, where the opinionated 32-year-old actress, singer and now author – and daughter of Ozzy and Sharon – let her candid thoughts loose on topics ranging from her sexuality (“everybody’s gay”) to her openness about dating women and her issues with celebrities who feign lesbianism for publicity. And that recent controversy over her statement regarding President Donald Trump? She admits it really got to her. Turns out, even badasses cry sometimes. 

Kelly, your book, which covers your personal journey to self-acceptance, could have a positive influence on so many young people trying to find themselves. 
Oh, thank you so much! It’s the most vulnerable thing I’ve done in a while, I can’t lie. I’m kind of like, oh my god, I’ve actually done this, because for the first time in my life I wanted to take my power back, and instead of people telling me who I am, I wanted to tell them. 

Who are some of your favorite badass bitches? 
I mean, Elton goes without sayin’. Just people who’ve made a difference in my life, like Liza Minnelli. I think Lil’ Kim. It’s anyone who just learned to be themselves and take responsibility for who they are. 

When were you first aware you had an LGBT following? 
I don’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t been submerged in the LGBT community. It’s the only community that, even though I shouldn’t have belonged (laughs), accepted me. It was the only world I ever really felt comfortable in, because, and I say it in my book, I don’t know what it feels like to fit in.

What do you attribute that bond to? 
I think my relationship, especially with the drag community and the drag world, became so prevalent at such a young age because of Boy George, of course, and Blitz Kids and that huge movement in the U.K. I think drag queens choose how they want you to see them and they do that knowing that they’re probably going to get a lot of shit for it, and that’s what magic is. That’s like, “Fuck you, this is who I am,” and you can wake up every day and be whoever you want to be. I love that. 

When did drag first come into your life?
It’s never not been in my life. I mean, my mom was calling up (a drag club) in San Francisco; I was, like, 11 or 12 and being snuck into a drag bar. It was amazing. And there was a time I went to go see Cyndi Lauper on tour when she was playing in the U.K., and she used to have, like, 20 drag queens on tour with her. I was probably about 9 or 10.  
You have to understand, my favorite childhood pastime was putting my mom’s lacy underwear and bustier on over my clothes – because I wasn’t allowed to wear them any other way – and going to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Rocky Horror Picture Show is still, to this day, one of my favorite movies of all time. I loved the makeup. If you look really closely at the “Time Warp,” you’ll see where I get all my hair colors from. But yeah, everyone else was watching Annie, and I was watching Rocky Horror Picture Show and singing about sweet transvestites. (Laughs) 

How much of your gay submergence do you credit to your mother?
It’s equally my mom and my dad. In rock ’n’ roll, you were the outcasts back then and outcasts tend to find each other, especially in London. 

How about Boy George – what was his influence on you? 
I remember staring at my TV, thinking, “Is it a beautiful woman or a beautiful man? It doesn’t matter.” He was the first person to break down barriers. He single-handedly changed people’s perspective so much. And he’s such a smart man! If you ever sit down and have a conversation with him about his political views and his opinion of the gay community, he says things that are so spot on and so important because he’s lived long enough through good times and bad times to see what things really are. I love talking to him. And he has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever looked into! 

You recently wore a hat emblazoned with the words “I Am Gay.” Were you being literal? 
You know my honest opinion? Everybody’s gay. It is a strictly human thing. You can’t put a gender on love. 

But I know a guy – several of them, in fact – who insists he’s only into women. 
Except he’s letting a guy suck his dick! If you ain’t tried it, you don’t get to tell me what you are. 

Are you open to loving a woman?
I’m open to loving anybody. It’s about the person. I don’t think it’s about sexuality at all.

Your mother came out as bisexual last year. What have you learned about yourself from her regarding sexuality?
I told her, “Would you be the butch one? Come on, tell me, which one would you be?” Because whether it’s man and man, woman and woman, there’s always a masculine and feminine role. So I’m always like, “Mom, which one would you be?” And she’s like, “Oh, shut up, Kelly!”  
But it’s not like I’m trying to be forward-thinking or progressive – it’s just that sexuality is a word I try not to even define the way the world defines it. It’s the _person_ who you are sexually attracted to. 

Do you not label your sexuality, then? 
My whole rule is, never say never. I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman, but I don’t know that it’s not a possibility. But I also don’t like it when people claim to be gay and then not. There’s this whole generation of young Hollywood girls who can’t find love where they think it’s supposed to be, and then they come out being gay and two weeks later they have a boyfriend. It drives me nuts! I think it takes all the proactive work the LGBT community has done and sets them back. Oh, so now you’re gay? Then two weeks later: “Oh no, that was just a phase.” You don’t get to do that. 
I’ll tell you who’s the worst with it: young female celebrities. And I’m like, I know you. I’ve known you pretty much since before you used to shit outside of a diaper. You are not gay! But I think outing somebody in that way is just as bad as outing somebody who has not come out of the closet. It’s one of those things I have to keep to myself... and it drives me fucking crazy! I’ve marched till my feet bled for the right of equal love in the gay community, and you’re just gonna step in because it looks cool for you and now tell everybody that you’re a lesbian when you’ve never even seen another puss that’s not yours so you can get attention?

Where are we at with you having a baby with your gay best friend?
Oh, it’s inevitable. (Laughs) That’s just gonna happen. You know, I was so disappointed that I didn’t have a gay sibling. I was disappointed that I wasn’t gay even! Though I do still think that everybody’s gay, but still. 

You’ve been to a lot of LGBT events: Pride with your mom, where you shut down protesters; Elton John’s wedding. What’s the most memorable gay event you’ve been a part of?  
Oh my god, that’s so hard to pick! I can’t really think of an event that’s not a gay event. When you really think about it, what major party have you ever been to that was put on by a straight person? Because I can’t think of one. 

You tell me. I’m not the one going to Elton John’s birthday party.
It was really fun, actually. (Laughs)

Rub it in. 
So, my favorite gay Christmas event is anything with Mariah. She just brings out the best in everyone. Everyone’s crying, being emotional. 

I love that you consider a Mariah Carey Christmas concert a “gay event.”
It’s totally a gay event – I mean, have you gone?! It’s so much fun. And I love her. I went to Disneyland with Mariah and we had the best time. It was everything you’d imagine going to Disneyland with Mariah would be. A dream come true. 

Late last year, while receiving the Trevor Hero Honoree Award at the Trevor Project’s TrevorLIVE Los Angeles 2016 fundraiser on Dec. 4, during part of your speech you said, “We have to give (Trump) a chance. And we do it by spreading love, not hate.” Do you believe we should still give him a chance? 
I think we should give… you have to think about it. If we’re being told the truth, which we never really are, people voted for him, and at that time when I said that he hadn’t been inaugurated yet. I’ve had to stop watching TV when it comes to politics. I only watch – I think you can hear it in the back; I watch BBC News so I can get a different perspective, because in different countries they show you different things that you don’t see here. It’s a really scary time that we’re living in, and I’m not gonna pretend that it isn’t. 

What scares you most? 
The way that people feel totally lost, don’t feel safe. When people don’t feel safe, it manifests and comes out in evil ways. There’s a lot of evil going around right now when we were finally at a place where people were ready to love. Now people are just ready to point fingers, judge and blame. 
I don’t get to vote. I’m still going through the process of citizenship in this country – if it goes through, because I don’t know how things are going to change. I do encourage people to vote, but when we went down to downtown L.A. to check out the marches after the election, I asked people, “Who did you vote for?” Nine times out of 10, people said they didn’t vote. I was so confused! Like, why are you here? 
But I have to keep to myself right now because I don’t want to enter into this political cannibalism that’s going on where people say stuff and then everyone just eats you alive for your opinion. Every attempt I have made in defending the (LGBT) community I somehow manage to fuck it up and piss everyone off. I cried over the backlash of the Donald Trump thing with my speech, because if you read my whole speech, you’d get what I was saying, but they put that one sentence in there and I was like, “You dicks.”

How are you feeling about where we are headed regarding LGBT rights?
I don’t know – and that’s what’s scary. I mean, I’m sorry, you cannot give somebody the right to marry and then take it away from them. You can’t do that. You just cannot do that. But what I’ve learned right now, because everything is so confusing and every single day threats are made and until you fully understand what’s going on, it’s like, keep your opinion to yourself. 
I’m aware that there’s gonna be a lot more to fight for in our present time. Until I know exactly what it is that I’m fighting for – everything keeps changing and one day this, one day that, and no one can figure out whose side to be on. People can only figure out how to hate, and I refuse to do that.

If you’re gay – a gay man, specifically (because that’s all the experience I have) – you know how catty we can be to one another. You’re trying to have a drama-free evening at your local bar and then – bang! – some queen throws you shade for no good reason. Insults (and sometimes wigs) fly, and before you know it yet another homo has ruined an otherwise low-key evening with her sass. I’m over it, and so are you, and these are the reasons we need to stop the bitchery in its tracks.

1. Your Parents Probably Didn’t Raise You to Be a Jackass

I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m willing to bet that if you’re an asshole your parents weren’t exactly committed to bringing you up that way. For argument’s sake, I expect they wanted the best for you, for you to get a good education and pursue your passions, and to practice politeness and respect with everyone you meet. But somewhere along the line you said “fuck it all” and turned your repressed sexuality into anger that you dole out on an at-will basis. Not cute. Maybe it got a good chuckle when you were in your late teens and early 20s, but that act gets old after awhile (this advice comes from experience, mind you; I’m a work in progress), and by the time you’re my age – 35 – people are fed up with your juvenile antics. 

Just be nicer, K? Because you never know when you’ll meet the wrong person who will pick you up like a ragdoll and throw you across a bar because your mouth is too big. (This advice also comes from experience.)

2. You’ll Attract More Bees With Honey Than Vinegar

Lamenting the fact that you’re always single? Maybe it has to do with your prickly personality. If you have a knack for being negative, it’s hardly a wonder why nobody wants to be around you. It's easy to be a pessimist in this world, sure, but if you look for the good, you’ll find it. Open your eyes.

3. Pricks Are Fun to Fuck, Not Date

I’m a firecracker – everyone I know will tell you that. A stereotypical ginge with Irish lineage who has a quick temper and a penchant for too much alcohol. I’m also really good in bed. But while my black book isn’t lacking in return visitors, my dating career – and my marriage – has been plagued with disappointment, hurt feelings and tears. Lots of tears. I’m currently in the middle of a divorce – which, thankfully, is amicable now – and I’m dating someone new. After eight years of being unhappy with my husband (we’re both to blame, not just him) and a couple ill-fated long-term relationships before that, I think I’ve finally learned how to be at peace with myself and my partner. With age comes wisdom, they say, and I’ve learned from my mistakes. Granted, cutting back on my alcohol intake also has contributed to this success – but, hey, whatever works.

4. You’re Not as Right As You Think You Are All the Time

I’m starting to recognize that this edition of my column isn’t making me look very good, but I’m nothing if I’m not honest. Alas, I’m a know-it-all, and that really ticks people off. The difference between me and you, though, is that I’m always right when I think I’m right – I won’t argue anything I’m unsure about – and you just think you’re right. I don’t know what burns people up more – people like me who are always right or people like you who will argue to the death about how right they are even though they’re wrong. Either way, we both should cut it out so we don’t die alone.

5. Hypocrisy Isn't a Good Color on You

As a community, we collectively wag our fingers at gay Republicans because they're basically Benedict Arnold with Botox, but there’s plenty we need to reconcile on our side of the fence. Like how we treat different races and sexual identities. I mean, come on – are you, preacher of civil liberties, protester of oppression, really being a racist right now? If I hear, “Everyone except Asians” one more time from a fag, I’m gonna shove a pair of chopsticks right up his ass. Then there’s the side-eye many of you give to bisexual men and women just because you don’t “believe” in it. That logic sounds eerily similar to the “Christians” who want you to shut the hell up, just not with a dick in your mouth. Who are any of us to judge? Just mind ya business.

6. While We Basked in Our Civil Victories, a New War Emerged

If I had to choose a solitary reason why we all need to get along, it’s that our protections and civil liberties are in grave danger under Führer Trump. This administration is bad news for many Americans, the LGBT community included. Which is why we need to band together and rise up – we’ve done it several times before – to let our fellow citizens know that we’ll take a lot of things lying down, but we won’t accept whatever bullshit they have in store over the next four years. March, call your representatives, hold rallies and continue to exercise your right vote to help change the tide, or at least keep it from coming in full force, poised to drown us out.

When you grow up in Minnesota, you play hockey. If your family is “masculine and sports-oriented,” you play lots of other sports too.

Ryan Adams was a hockey player, a soccer goalkeeper and a varsity tennis star. 

But, like so many gay men, he knew as young as 4 that he was different. He left the macho environment of hockey after Bantams, a level of youth hockey, and stopped playing soccer in high school. Looking back into the haze of adolescence, Adams can’t even remember what year he quit. The mix of sexuality, sports and “a bit” of bullying was too much.

It did not help that for as long as he could remember, his father made anti-gay jokes. The effect was so strong that for a couple of years after coming out Adams could not even go to a Pride parade. 

“I’ve evolved so much since then,” he says in wonderment. His family has too – including his dad.

Coming out was complicated. Adams had a full military ride to a ROTC program at a Catholic college, ranking third among 46 cadets. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still in effect. The Air Force was overstaffed though, so he was allowed to leave without paying back his tuition.

Exploring the gay world online, Adams found a new life in Nashville. It was a big, important change. But at 21 he moved back to Minneapolis, and began living his life openly and proudly.

He found a Facebook group of LGBT people involved in social and athletic activities like bowling and raising money for AIDS causes. When he learned of a coed LGBT soccer team – and heard about the Gay Games and World Outgames – he realized what he’d been missing. The young man who had been turned off by the sports world wanted back in.

The Twin Cities Jacks became a major part of Adams’ life. Founded in 2007, they’re the only LGBT soccer club in Minnesota. They field teams in local, national and international tournaments; host social outings for LGBT fans; promote the game, and educate other soccer organization about homophobia in sports. Players of all skill levels are welcome. Allies are encouraged too.

Adams, who had earned a master’s degree in sports management and now works full time for a college marketing organization, rose quickly through the volunteer ranks. “I wanted everyone to have a chance to live healthy lives, and make friends,” he says.

He notes that despite increasing openness, “we’re still in an era when a gay adult may be playing sports for the first time in their life, or be out as an athlete for the first time. Lifting that emotional burden is so important. It’s amazing to play a sport as exactly the person you are.” What was once a “hindrance” for many, he says, “now draws us together.”

That sense of fulfillment and camaraderie has opened many eyes. TC Jacks’ outreach to allies has helped straight soccer players experience the world in a new way. A lawyer and his wife who moved to Minnesota from rural Iowa had known only one gay person ever. But they found the Jacks, and became passionate, devoted friends of the LGBT community.

The Jacks use their popularity to influence the broader soccer world. Minnesota United FC begins play in Major League Soccer this year. The Jacks are helping team officials become “socially responsible” – beyond simply sponsoring one Pride Night a year – and have engaged supporters groups too. “They’re incredibly LGBT friendly,” Adams says.

Beyond the Twin Cities, Adams has taken on leadership roles too. He served the International Lesbian & Gay Football Association in an interim role, and has begun a soft launch for an organization called US LGBT Soccer. 

The goal for that group is to offer a home for LGBT players, coaches, administrators and fans around the country. A unified organization can provide a national association for clubs; offer resources and best practices, so that new teams and leagues do not have to reinvent the soccer wheel; tie together LGBT supporter groups of professional clubs; recruit, train and aid LGBT referees; partner with pro leagues to combat homophobia – and create an LGBT national team to represent the United States in foreign tournaments.

There are not many sports with such outreach to all members of their community. There are not many team sports with such global appeal as soccer, either. There are not many people with the energy and vision of Ryan Adams.

But there are plenty of Ryan Adamses in the LGBT sports world – men and women who understand the power of athletics to provide community, competition and fun to everyone, in a healthy, open and affirming environment. As a new year dawns, their work endures.