Music: Sufjan Stevens, Reba McEntire
- June 19, 2015 - 1:18pm
Sufjan Stevens, Carrie & Lowell
Grief guides Sufjan Stevens’ muse on Carrie & Lowell. It’s a remarkably wrenching release from the indie darling. “The evil it spread like a fever ahead / It was night when you died, my firefly,” a solemn Stevens laments, conjuring a place of peace and rest, and then delivering this stark reality like an afterthought: “We’re all gonna die.” A heartbreaking back-and-forth between Sufjan and his late mother, who died shortly after a surprise stomach cancer diagnosis, the song’s simple piano progression enkindles a contrasting calmness to the intensity of this final exchange – a reconciliation of the past, the harsh truth of the future – that floats hypnotically, like a wind-blown feather making its final descent. His portrayal of the inevitable is tragically beautiful, and it’s also uncharacteristically direct, a noticeable switch for the press-shy, cryptically-prone Stevens. Carrie & Lowell is a memoir, capturing a life-changing tragedy with aching frankness and conveying it in its rawest guitar-rendered form. His despondency on the dreamy “Should Have Known Better,” which acknowledges the trauma of being abandoned by his mother at “3, maybe 4,” is spiked with hope – the promise of a new niece, a ray of light that cuts through the song’s otherwise sullen sensibility. It evokes the cyclical nature of humanity so beautifully, and in just five minutes. Stevens also lets in some light on “Drawn to the Blood,” his call to a spiritual guide eventually ebbing into a lush, orchestral reprieve. Grief, in all its emotional complexities, has rarely been as fully embodied as it is on the compelling _Carrie & Lowell_, a work rich in the reality of human nature, from life to death to life again.
Grade: A-
Reba McEntire, Love Somebody
Suffering through a recent breakup? Regretting a hookup? Reba’s got you covered. The country diva sifts through a songwriting minefield of good ol’-fashioned country woe, worship and wine-drinking for Love Somebody, the icon’s first album in five years. And queens, brace yourselves: the rock-infused “Going Out Like That” is more fierce than an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Taking aim at a mystified man, Reba lets him know what’s up… and it’s not what he expects. “He thought she’d be sitting home crying / she ain’t going out like that,” vows Reba, being all badass. The country queen’s emotional plate is full on Love Somebody, as she takes on impulsive rebound sex (the devastating Brandy Clark-written “She Got Drunk Last Night”), beating the odds (the sniffle-inducing “Love Land”) and mortality (“Just Like Them Horses”). Inspired to record the ballad after it was played at her father’s funeral, the latter is a hug from the heavens, and Reba sounds absolutely divine. She brings it on “Enough” as well. A duet with Jennifer Nettles, the powerhouse twosome touch the sky as they exchange lines about a two-timin’, no-good cheat. Elsewhere, she’s pledging her staying power (the growler “Livin’ Ain’t Killed Me Yet”), or re-envisioning “We Are the World” as “Pray for Peace,” a rally call buoyed by an inspiring Celtic lift. Certainly Reba’s genre-jumping is targeting anyone who’s ever heard a Reba song, and why shouldn’t it? For the most part, the more Rebas, the better.
Grade: B
Also Out
Estelle, True Romance
Estelle’s been virtually hit-less since dropping “American Boy” in our laps, and with it, fueling our desire to hear more of her swaggering, Lauryn Hill-inspired R&B. True Romance, though, won’t do much to put her back on top. With a twinkly string intro, “Conqueror” takes off at the chorus, soaring to anthemic heights with its sky-shattering sound. It’s listenable but derivative, a recurrent issue on True Romance. Take the ’90s house-influenced “Something Good / Devotion,” during which Estelle turns up the disco heat (think Crystal Waters). The track is fine. It’s filled with nostalgia. It’s also only temporarily intoxicating. On the whole, the album suffers the same sorry fate.
Kendrick Lamar, To Pimp a Butterfly
Kendrick Lamar’s bringing the funk… and the spoken word, and the hip-hop, and the jazz. On To Pimp a Butterfly, the Cali-born hotshot pulls from his multifaceted influences as he grapples with heavy of-the-zeitgeist matters, particularly heightened violence against blacks. “King Kunta” grooves a wonky female-assisted sound, and hope appears in the form of “Mortal Men,” a moving 12-minute, posthumous conversation with Tupac. This is a powerful and empowering opus. An urban gospel, even. It’s uncomfortable and challenging and, like the words from Lamar’s mouth to our ears, tremendously important.
Music: 11 Songs to Pimp Your Pride Playlist
- June 19, 2015 - 1:10pm
You don’t have to part with your Madonna. You can keep your Diana Ross, your other divas and all the queer classics that stoke your Pride playlist. But is your rainbow losing its luster? Is “We Are Family” really still your go-to? Splash some new color into your celebratory mix with these not-ancient anthems.
“We Exist,” Arcade Fire
There’s no ignoring us now, but still – it never hurts to remind non-queers that we have a place in the world too. On this feisty rally cry directly inspired by the LGBT movement, these Canadian allies stand up with us, rocking their way through an ’80s-inspired call for equality.
“Dance with Me,” Kelly Clarkson
Leave your right-wing angst at the door and douse yourself in the shimmering sounds of Miss Independent’s neon-bright dance delight. No crying. No fighting. No shaming. Kelly Clarkson won’t have any of it… unless it involves body bumping. And glitter, because obviously.
“All Kinds of Kinds,” Miranda Lambert
“Thomas was a congressman with closets full of skeletons,” the country superstar sings, before delivering the real kicker: “... and dresses that he wore on Friday nights.” With compelling character vignettes and a wise assessment of ignorance, Lambert’s guitar-guided ditty celebrates every color of the rainbow.
“Unbelievers,” Vampire Weekend
Capturing unification in all its magical heart-happy glory is this Vampire Weekend groove. As it playfully bounces about, just you try not to get wrapped up in the evocative adorability of the NYC hipsters’ sweet sentiment – love – dedicated to the world’s nonconformists.
“Looking Hot,” No Doubt
Calling all spotlight stealers – this one’s for you. A declaration of fierceness, Gwen Stefani struts her stuff all over this ska-flavored synth song, urging anyone in her path to “go ahead and stare, and take a picture please.” It’s how you’ll feel when you join that sexy sea of gays, wearing your “clothes.”
“Together You and I,” Dolly Parton
To make much headway, we gotta do it hand in hand, right? Dolly knows, and she’s preaching it on this bit of buoyant, pop-country inspiration. “Paint a pretty rainbow with love across the sky,” the Country Queen sings, as if they’re not already painted across every sky, and above every gay.
“Burning Gold,” Christina Perri
Pop singer-songwriter Christina Perri is done waiting and hoping for change to just magically happen. So, with a thundering drum beat behind her, she stops wishing and starts realizing, igniting the flame that’s been right there in her hands the whole time.
“Queen,” Perfume Genius
Who runs the world? You! Mike Hadreas (aka Perfume Genius) gives you permission – not that you needed it – to own the crown that was already yours, bestowing it upon all the “cracked, peelin’” queers who are “riddled with disease.” Haters gon’ hate, but as Hadreas warns: “No family is safe when I sashay.”
“The Fight,” Sia
Don’t even bother trying to stand in Sia’s way. The Aussie is one of the world’s most sought-after songwriters, but even before she was swinging from her chandelier, Sia was bigger than life itself on this cartoony romp – and that’s exactly how she makes you feel too.
“Take Me to Church,” Sinead O’Connor
Nothing compares to you. No, really – you’re the best. “Set me on the floor; I’m the only one I should adore,” the Irish icon declares, waxing poetic about finding love in a place where it’s sometimes seemingly impossible – from within.
“Raise You Up / Just Be,” Kinky Boots
In case your kinky boots aren’t enough to get you off the ground, this Cyndi Lauper-penned number from the hit Broadway show will. The show closer is a sparkly, ensemble-sung, feel-good romp that won’t just add pep to your step, but at least three inches to your height.
Music: Tori Amos
- June 19, 2015 - 12:51pm
“Tori Amos who?”
My dear friend, then boyfriend, must have been dumbfounded when I – a gay man – uttered these words that, in retrospect, are among the most naive of my life.
I rolled my eyes at him as we cruised the interstate, dismissively contorted my face, and swapped the Tori CD out for something else – something that would accord my young, inexperienced ears instant gratification.
I was just 20 then.
Following a fortunate musical maturation in the years after, I was drawn back to that car ride and the twinkling magic of the Bösendorfer. Over time, I became completely swept up in the mesmeric awe of Tori Amos.
Now 32, I’ve curiously wandered through the pianist’s magical musical chasm – I’ve even enjoyed interviewing her many times – and with every fresh project or recently discovered rarity, I’m the one telling that same friend (who’s lately lost touch with Tori) that he is the one missing out.
So, friend, the time has come yet again. Little Earthquakes and Under the Pink have both been newly remastered and flexed beyond the back-to-back albums’ staples. (You know: “Pretty Good Year,” “Baker Baker,” “Crucify” and “Precious Things,” to name a few.) Both double-disc releases glean rarities performed in studio and on stage during each LP’s subsequent era.
And no, these reissues aren’t afterthoughts, especially for casual Tori followers.
While record labels are infamous for putting out rehashed, “remastered” releases with nil new material to offer, fans can rest assured that Atlantic is mindful of the fact that a legacy artist like Amos deserves legacy treatment. Perhaps the biggest sell for aficionados: The audio gets a noticeable upgrade, making subtle improvements to the original cuts while still preserving their essence. Plus: Eighteen additional songs on Little Earthquakes! Fifteen on Under the Pink!
Released during the chanteuse’s golden age, these seminal works were critical to the singer-songwriter’s repertoire, setting the stage for over 30 years of soul-baring artistic expression.
Looking back over those three prolific decades, her debut, Little Earthquakes, endures as her masterwork. To this day, it’s a lifeline to legions of self-actualizing queers who revel in the earnest emotions the then-29-year-old Tori confronted. “Me and a Gun” harrowingly detailed her own personal rape-at-knifepoint nightmare. “Crucify” took the piss out of religion. In all her commanding glory and groundbreaking artistry, Amos was vulnerable and translucent, skewering childhood ideals and wailing her way out of social exile.
And she took you with her.
The journey would lead to another feelings-fueled outpouring two years later. As she slayed more demons and firmly established herself as an emblem of empowerment, Under the Pink once again expressed a deeply resonant facet of the human condition: the need to love and be loved.
No one knows these songs better than Amos, of course. She revisits them within the Under the Pink liner notes on the Deluxe Edition, explaining their emergence in her own words and offering longtime fans extra insight, a boon for Tori-philes already versed in every album cut and every B-side.
Among the B-sides on these packages: Smells like Teen Spirit, where Amos turns Nirvana’s grunge staple into an evocative whirl of piano-guided emotions, and the dizzying, delicate “Here, in My Head.” The latter, included on Under the Pink, is a live version from a 1994 performance in Bristol, and the track – clean and crisp – sounds particularly divine. Included along with stage versions of “Past the Mission” and “The Waitress” is “Winter,” performed the same year in Manchester. Like a whisper in time, it’s just as you remember it: gripping, intimate, rich.
“When you gonna make up your mind / When you gonna love you as much as I do.” Simple yet profound, those words, spoken to her by her father, would find a hideaway in my heart despite my resistance to them at such a defiantly young age. Looking back, it’s hard to imagine I resisted them at all.
It’s even harder to imagine my life without the truth-baring salvation I’ve come to know as Tori Amos.
Music: Best of 2015 (...So Far)
- June 19, 2015 - 12:41pm
Shamir, Ratchet
The latest wave of gender-defying youth just got wavier with Shamir, a 20-year-old cutie-patootie from Vegas who’s tearing down rigid archetypes by way of gender ambiguity and a brazen “no fucks to give” attitude. You can read it – “it” being his convention-confronting manifesto – on his Twitter feed, and you can hear it in the spunky nu-disco dreaminess of his criminally catchy throwback debut. “On the Regular” strides with drag-queen fierceness (and cowbells!), boasting a swaggering rap about how, despite his size (“5-foot-10, about a buck twenty / Skinny as a rod but still won't fuck with me”), he packs a powerful punch. And that’s no joke (for further proof, hear the sweetly flowing “Demon”). On the whole, Shamir’s Ratchet is a potent boundary buster with some of the year’s best, most neon-bright beats.
Madonna, Rebel Heart
Major misfires – oh, religion and sex meet again? (_Is she really sampling herself?_) – kept it from breaking into the Essential Madonna Echelon, but these days, when it comes to Our Girl, you take what you can get and just hope and pray it’s not another MDNA. We made it out of the wilderness, then, didn’t we? Rebel Heart is not another MDNA; rather, and thankfully, it’s the sonic equivalent of Madonna picking herself back up after that Brit Awards fall. She stumbles a bit here, but the difference? Those mishaps are quelled by some of Madge’s most innovative, trend-bucking cuts in years. “Living for Love” rouses with “Like a Prayer” realness, “Ghosttown” works itself into a welcome moment of tenderness, and the title track is more in touch with Madonna than Madonna’s been in years.
Kendrick Lamar, To Pimp a Butterfly
Even T. Swift has a thing for Kendrick Lamar, the urban innovator featured on the pop star’s No. 1 “Bad Blood” radio remix. If you, too, have lost yourself in his thought-provoking brilliance, you understand what Taylor sees in him. The musician du jour’s To Pimp a Butterfly sits impressively outside the box, the accumulation of various genres – spoken word, hip-hop, jazz, funk, etc. – to create a cultural touchstone that grapples with heavy of-the-zeitgeist matters. Big moments abound, but it doesn’t get more ambitious than "Mortal Men," a moving 12-minute, posthumous conversation he has with Tupac.
Susanne Sundfør, Ten Love Songs
Do you know Susanne Sundfør? You don’t? You should. The ultra-talented Norwegian songstress’ sixth release is a captivating caper through and through, reveling in brokenhearted synth-pop and orchestral detours that conjure cinematic magic. An ethereal 10-minute behemoth, “Memorial” takes a drum-slapped torch song and caps it with a stunning orchestra outro, a wistful wind-down that lingers even after its last haunting note. Her pop sensibility is equally as sharp on the soulful “Fade Away,” an enveloping synth song, and on “Slowly,” an evocative, pure gold, ’80s-shimmered wallop produced by fellow Norwegian duo Röyksopp. And just when you think Sundfør’s achieved Robyn-caliber pop genius, there’s the biting “Delirious,” which builds into a crushingly brilliant beat after a John Carpenter’s Halloween-esque preface. It’s one genius move among many on Ten Love Songs.
Marina and the Diamonds, FROOT
After record execs tried to turn her into Pop’s Next Big Thing – a position, she later confessed, wasn’t for her – Welsh singer-songwriter Marina and the Diamonds gets back to basics on FROOT Awash in the left-of-center sound that launched her career, FROOT feels like an artistic manifestation rather than a business fulfillment. Both musically personal and powerful, it begins with a paean of self-expression that suggests a newfound professional freedom. “I sang a hymn to bring me peace / And then it came, a melody,” she sings on “Happy,” boldly easing into the album with this raw moment of piano-led minimalism. On FROOT it only gets sweeter.
Sufjan Stevens, Carrie & Lowell
“You’ll never see us again.” And just like that, Sufjan Steven rips your heart open with his seventh studio album, a gut-punch of grief-stricken emotions inspired by his mother’s passing. One such blow is “Fourth of July,” the kind of personal experience – a play-by-play of a parent’s final moments – rarely set to song. And for all its harsh truths, what a beautiful lullaby-like tune it is. That graceful appeal extends throughout Sufjan’s wrenchingly stunning tribute to his mother, Carrie & Lowell. The lulling melodies leave their mark. Sentiments drawn vividly from the past are stark and real and relatable. But there’s light in the dark, and by the time he gets to the penultimate “No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross,” you’ll want to give Sufjan the biggest hug. You’ll also need one of your own.
Belle and Sebastian, Girls in Peacetime Want to Dance
Girls in peacetime want to dance… and, apparently, so does Belle and Sebastian. “Jump to the beat of the party line,” they urge. And we do, of course. On yet another solid release from the always-dependable Glaswegian sextet, they’re more “weeee” than twee. Producer Ben H. Allen shimmers their sound while still maintaining the band’s trademark melancholy and hopefulness. Escapist vibes run throughout "Girls in Peacetime Want to Dance," as frontman Stuart Murdoch finally addresses their album’s motive on Belle's most quintessential track, "Ever Had a Little Faith?," a jangly little daydream: Basically, don’t be sad. And, you know, dance.
Positive Thoughts: Crossing the Viral Divide
- June 19, 2015 - 12:07pm
It was little surprise when HBO’s Looking – a critically acclaimed but poorly rated TV series about gay men in San Francisco – introduced an HIV-positive character in season two. After all, the city was once the epicenter of the AIDS crisis and now has one of the nation’s highest rates of HIV-positive gay and bi men.
The real revelation, though, was that Eddie, the character Daniel Franzese (already popular from his influential role in Mean Girls) plays is poz, proud and body positive.
People with HIV are rarities on TV (the last series to have one was Brothers & Sisters in 2011), and when they exist there’s usually a lot of stigmatizing, handwringing and self-loathing around them, with singular storylines that play like a “very special episode.”
But Looking (and the season finale of How to Get Away with Murder, in which Conrad Ricamora’s character Oliver finds out he has HIV) broke the mold with an ordinary gay man who just happened to have HIV. Moreover, it was the first scripted television series to talk about PrEP, or Truvada, as pre-exposure prophylaxis.
“The brief conversation that we have in the Halloween episode happens in a way that I’ve heard PrEP come up amongst my friends… not too preachy,” Franzese told Plus magazine. “I really like the way that it’s handled.”
So did I. Eddie is sexy, healthy and – this is important – romantically pursued by an HIV-negative character. So that the pair can have sex without either of them worrying about transmission, the love interest begins a regimen of PrEP, the daily HIV prevention pill that the iPrEx study proved can reduce HIV infection by up to 99 percent when taken properly.
The fact that Looking handled PrEP in this manner may mean the tide has turned on PrEP, a prevention method initially debated – and actually lobbied against – by some gay men (notably AIDS Healthcare Foundation’s Michael Weinstein, who argued it was a “party drug” that would make users ditch condoms).
Today in many gay communities, on TV or otherwise, we’re increasingly hearing one thing about PrEP: It’s changing everything.
Both the World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have begun recommending PrEP to gay and bi men and transgender women, in hopes of stemming the tide of the 50,000 new HIV cases each year in the U.S.
It’s not the numbers, though, that are interesting. It’s the sociocultural changes we see from PrEP. The social dynamics among gay men are changing. I’ve talked to dozens of men who are dating across the viral divide: poz and negative guys dating each other, marrying each other, becoming what romantics call “magnetic couples.” (The rest of us call them serodiscordant couples, partnerships in which one is poz and one isn’t.)
Between “treatment as prevention” (a method in which someone with HIV suppresses the amount of HIV in their blood, or their viral load, to “undetectable” levels and thus can no longer transmit HIV) and PrEP, many gay men are now having sex without the fear that they can transmit, or acquire, HIV, whether or not there are condoms involved.
My friend Alex Garner, who conducts HIV awareness and prevention programs across the country, says this has impacted how gay men now relate to each other because it’s eliminated a key emotional obstacle to love that gay men have had since the late 1980s: fear.
Like a lot of guys, Alex used to almost exclusively date other HIV-positive men, but PrEP has changed that. He told Plus magazine that the possibility of having a real relationship with someone who is serodiscordant seems much more realistic now because PrEP is available – and it changes the relationship too.
Despite Weinstien’s rants, PrEP really doesn’t seem to be really used by wanton sluts who want to man-whore about town. (But, if it is, more power to the users, I say; the LGBT rights movements was built on sexual liberation, and PrEP is to gay men in 2015 what birth control was to feminists in 1970, but I digress.)
In fact, when someone is considering PrEP because their partner has HIV, it’s very often a sign that they love and want to build a future with that person, the exact opposite of one-night stands popular in hookup culture.
Weinstein’s ditching condoms theory seems inaccurate. At least one study from Brown University found that many HIV-negative men in relationships already ditch condoms because they want more intimacy in their relationship (and they do so even when one or both of the guys are having sex outside of that relationship).
Over half the men in that study said they’d go on PrEP, which is good because we know from another study out of Emory that nearly 70 percent of all new HIV transmissions for both gay and bi men and transgender women occur in a primary relationship. But the Brown researchers are quick to note: These men and women are willing to go on PrEP, not to suddenly ditch condoms once they’re on PrEP, but to protect themselves because they already ditched those condoms long ago.
Today, PrEP is appearing in dating profiles and on apps like Grindr and Scruff. Even sites aimed at HIV-positive men, like BarebackRT, report that HIV-negative men are now posting profiles there and touting that they are on PrEP. For generations of men and trans women who’ve lived in fear of HIV, suddenly having a prevention pill is a godsend. That it’s mired in controversy is no surprise; birth control was once as well for many of the same concerns.
But the bottom line is that Truvada as PrEP is one option, one of the best we have available today. Like birth control pills, though, it isn’t for everyone. Soon we’ll have a rectal microbicide, injectable pre-exposure prophylaxis, vaginal rings, and more. And when we do, I hope the writers of Looking get at least a tiny footnote in history for breaking ground on TV and for having helped destigmatize PrEP for a generation of LGBT viewers.
Positive Thoughts: Surviving With Pride
- June 19, 2015 - 11:55am
The month of June is typically jam-packed with parades, events and festivities that bring many of us in the LGBTQ community together to revel in our uniqueness, pay tribute to our leaders and honor achievements in our ongoing fight for equality.
For those like me who are long-term survivors of HIV/AIDS, there is even more to celebrate – the fact that we have survived long enough to be able to continue to achieve our own personal goals, have a career, or even start a family. But surviving HIV/AIDS can often come with its own set of issues, such as isolation, depression, substance abuse, stigma, and early aging and mortality.
Over the last 30-plus years I’ve lost hundreds of friends, acquaintances and colleagues to HIV and AIDS. In the 25 years since I first tested positive and began treatment, I’ve developed strange conditions such as thrush, kidney sludge and shingles. I’ve been poked, prodded and bled, and made out living wills and medical powers of attorney. I’ve stood in protest lines and marched on Washington, walked marathons and participated in a bike ride. I’ve fallen in love, and broken hearts.
I’ve probably been on 10 different drug regimens during that time, which most likely saved my life but definitely have taken their toll. My viral load is undetectable, and my CD4 T-cells and CD4 percentage are near what a normal, healthy HIV-negative person my age might be expected to have. But as the population of people living with HIV and AIDS ages (approximately 50 percent of those living with HIV are now over age 50), we’re beginning to understand that there is much more to the story than simply numbers and percentages. Underneath the surface of the syndrome we know as AIDS lies a darker and much more sinister enemy. Those of us who have come through the fight know that enemy intimately, and we have the battle scars to prove it – but we need new tools and weapons to fight it.
I was first diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) shortly after I tested HIV-positive in 1989 and went into psychotherapy. PTSD, as defined by the Mayo Clinic, is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event – either experiencing or witnessing it. Not everyone who experiences the event will develop PTSD. Some may just have difficulty coping for a while, but eventually they’ll adjust and get back to their “normal” life. It’s only when symptoms (which can manifest as intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking or mood, or changes in emotional reactions) start to cause significant problems in social or work situations and relationships, that it becomes a more serious issue.
While my PTSD was related to childhood sexual abuse, it was triggered by living in the midst of a holocaust and ending up testing positive myself. The disorder was no less real to me, however, and I still struggle with the effects to this day.
Just as veterans who return from war and who may have difficulty re-assimilating, long-term survivors of HIV/AIDS can often feel out of place and useless. In a perfect world we would pay proper respect to our own soldiers, and let them know we appreciate all that they’ve been through. Programs and services designed and tailored specific to our own unique needs as AIDS veterans are desperately needed. It’s time for us to create the structures and support systems that will help our veterans financially, mentally and physically, well into their golden years. They we deserve no less.
In June, Positively Aware magazine and its publisher, the Chicago-based HIV service organization TPAN, will launch The Reunion Project (TRP), to help long-term survivors of HIV and AIDS honor our past, examine resilience, and identify and develop successful strategies for living – today and into the future. The Reunion Project will be a series of summits and activities happening across the country, the next one being held in Palm Springs in November.
Those now coming into young adulthood never knew a time when HIV didn’t exist, and for their entire life effective treatments for HIV/AIDS have always been available – in other words, for them it’s always been a manageable chronic illness, such as diabetes or hypertension. While fear motivated us to fight to survive early on in the epidemic, it’s no longer an effective deterrent or motivator for those who aren’t experiencing the same sense of loss on a day-to-day basis. The fear of death from HIV/AIDS is now a distant memory, an abstract concept.
They say that with age comes wisdom – I’m not sure if I’m the best example of that, but I do think there’s another exciting opportunity for long-term survivors of HIV and AIDS, and that is to engage the next generation to talk about some of the experiences we’ve been through, challenges we’ve overcome, and triumphs we’ve achieved, to try to start to bridge the gap that currently exists between us. And I’m sure we could learn a thing or two from those who are, or will soon be, leaders in their own right.
It’s necessary to hear and share our stories with one another, for they define us. It’s where we come from; it’s who we are. We have the opportunity to learn from our past, and to mentor and guide an entirely new group – while honoring our history, and the fallen.
Positive Thoughts: Passing the Test
- June 19, 2015 - 11:46am
Getting tested for HIV nowadays is a snap. In the era of over-the-counter rapid in-home testing, I’m befuddled why so many gay men, especially young guys, lack awareness of their HIV status.
I suppose part of the answer, at least for young guys, is plain old feelings of invincibility. All young and young-minded folks share in those feelings.
Perhaps, for some guys, not knowing gives them license to say they’re HIV negative, since for all they know they are. For others, perhaps not knowing insulates them from any potential pain of a positive result.
I could keep that list going, but the point is that countless reasons exist for not knowing. Many of those reasons may even seem reasonable. Well, I’m here to tell you that no reason you can come up with is a good one.
Maybe you’re just a procrastinator. No matter. I’m a world-class procrastinator myself. Procrastination isn’t a good reason. Being fine with getting tested in theory but delaying doing so in practice is only asking for trouble.
Knowing your HIV status is crucial. If you test negative, you have incentive to stay that way. If you test positive, you can start the process of staying healthy. Better to know now than to be blindsided later.
Although I’ve been living with HIV for more than two decades, I still remember what it’s like to get tested for the virus. The fear is understandable, but it shouldn’t stop you. Your health is paramount.
I passed my first HIV test with flying colors: Negative. At the time, I had just turned 21 and boy was I psyched. I was cleared for duty, so to speak, as well as legal to drink. Watch out world, here I come.
However, I was more careful this time around. Before that test, I hadn’t always adhered to the condom rule, although I knew the risks. Now that I was given this reprieve, I was determined not to squander it.
A year later, I failed my second HIV test: Positive. I found out the day after my 22nd birthday. My commanding officer in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve read my diagnosis from a script. Cold, but tactful.
I knew the positive result was correct, but denial took over. I retested twice before accepting the reality of my situation. At that moment, I started believing that I was going to die before I turned 30.
It was 1992. Effective HIV treatment wouldn’t arrive until 1996 and AIDS-related deaths were still increasing. The death of my boyfriend in 1994 only increased my fear that I wouldn’t live much longer.
Fast-forward over two decades. Turns out I’m still here and I plan on being here for a long time. Failing that HIV test wasn’t the end of the world, but I must admit that I still wish that I had passed it.
I’ve learned to live with HIV in my body, but the virus remains an unwelcome guest. If the cure for HIV was here tomorrow, I would quickly get in line. I have no romantic attachment to the virus.
I also have no attachment to any resentment about getting HIV. Despite my late boyfriend not telling me the truth about his being HIV positive, I agreed not to use condoms with him. We both shared in that decision.
I’m not alone. Much of why the epidemic continues can be explained by folks not knowing their status and transmitting HIV unintentionally, but also by couples who ditch condoms before they know for sure each is negative.
You could argue that my late boyfriend had a moral imperative to disclose his HIV status that was higher than my moral imperative to protect myself. Perhaps you could even be right. However, even after all this time, I still haven’t decided.
What I have decided, now having lived more than half of my life with HIV, is that I did the right thing for myself by forgiving him. I believe he never intended to transmit HIV, so forgiving him wasn’t too difficult for me.
The anger I felt toward him in the first few years after I seroconverted was soon trumped by the experience of now being in his shoes. Not pretty. Rejection was everywhere. The stigma was stifling. I now understood.
And I still understand. Little has changed when it comes to HIV stigma. Not only has the virus proven resistant to a cure, it also has resisted decades of attempts to eradicate the stigma surrounding it.
Strangely enough, I believe testing regularly for HIV would do wonders in stomping out stigma. If everyone did it, and did it often, folks would finally start feeling like it’s not so scary. Peer pressure at its best.
Cheers to Summer 2015: Party-Startin’ Drink Recipes to Sip in the Sun
- June 18, 2015 - 2:22pm
Another hot-and-sweaty season is upon us – and it’s time to throw back a few cold ones. From pick-me-up coffee concoctions to a cocktail that’ll tickle your pickle, these are the must-make recipes of summer 2015.
1. The Amethyst
Summer-staple sangria takes the backseat when you break out Black Box Pinot Noir to serve as the base of this fun-and-fruity cocktail. Chilled red wine meets citrus and sparkling wine for a fizzy-fresh drink with zip, designed by Cocktail Guru Jonathan Pogash.
1 1/2 oz Black Box Pinot Noir
3/4 oz crème de cassis
1/2 oz honey syrup
1 oz fresh grapefruit juice
Sparkling wine
Strawberry slice, garnish
Shake all ingredients (except for sparkling wine) with ice and strain into a chilled champagne flute. Top with sparkling wine. Garnish with strawberry slice on rim of glass.
2. Rise & Shine Coffee Cocktail
When you need more than a mimosa to get you back in the game after a long night of pride partying, opt for this easy-to-prepare energy bev crafted from liquid coffee concentrate, handcrafted at Barnie’s CoffeeKitchen in Winter Park, Fla.
1 oz Fernet
3/4 oz Amaro
3/4 oz Grand Marnier
1/2 oz simple syrup
1 Barnie’s Blend BREWSTICKS
Mix ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Pour and serve in a rocks glass. Garnish with orange twist.
3. Ancho Berry Margarita
All bets are off when the blender comes out – hello, margies! – but it’s easy to go green this summer with this made-by-hand margarita-on-the-rocks recipe born at the Living Room Bar and Fireplace at the Inn & Spa at Loretto in Sante Fe, N.M.
1 1/2 oz. Roca Patron Silver Tequila
1/2 oz Cointreau
1/2 oz fresh lime juice
Macerated Blueberries:
6 oz Ancho Reyes Chile Liquor
Tbsp sugar
1 pint fresh blueberries
Rim martini glass with raspberry chipotle sea salt and serve.
4. Cherry Blossom Sour
If you missed the iconic Cherry Blossom blooms in the nation’s capital this spring, have a taste of the next best thing from the AC Hotel Washington D.C. in Maryland (eh, it’s close enough), which boasts a beverage-first culture that we all can agree is pretty boss.
1 1/2 oz Sloop Betty Vodka
1/4 oz St. Germain
1/4 oz simple syrup
1/4 oz cherry brandy
1/4 oz Oloroso sherry
1 oz lemon juice
1 mint sprig, garnish
Add all ingredients into a cocktail shaker. Add ice and shake 10 to 20 times. Double-strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with mint sprig. For added flavor, rim glass with vanilla sugar. To make, split one vanilla bean in half, remove seeds and whisk in a bowl with 1/2 cup of sugar.
5. Del Frisco’s Grille Dutch Mule
Spicy, sweet and a little bit sour, this recipe courtesy of Del Frisco’s Grille is just what the doctor ordered when you want something a bit more sophisticated than a so-last-year shandy.
1/2 oz Nolet’s Gin
4 1/2 oz ginger beer
Red grapefruit slices, garnish
Mint sprigs, garnish
Fill wine glass 3/4 full with ice. Add gin and ginger beer. Place grapefruit slice in glass and top with mint sprig.
6. Ink Bomb
Arguably the most innovative cocktail on this list, this squid-ink shot from Death Ave. in NYC isn’t for the weak of stomach. Cocktail enthusiasts can harvest their own ink by cleaning store-bought cuttlefish at home.
1 oz Tsipouro grape pomace brandy
1/4 tsp cuttlefish ink
Splash of sour mix
1 tsp fresh lime juice
Serve with grilled seafood.
7. Senor Scott
Hot, sweet and salty simultaneously, this sparkling collins cocktail – created by Southern Wine and Spirits of Nevada – is the perfect pairing for an outdoor summer meal derived south of the border.
2 oz quality silver tequila
1 oz. Aperol
Slice of lime
Paper thin strip of bell pepper
Cinnamon salt
Rim half a collins glass with lime and cinnamon salt and fill halfway with ice. Add tequila and Aperol and stir. Top with Blood Orange DRY and stir again. Garnish with red bell pepper and slice of lime.
8. You Look Smashing
Spyglass Rooftop Bar sits 22 stories atop Archer Hotel, serving small bites and crafted cocktails with unparalleled views of the Empire State Building and the New York City skyline. You’ll already look smashing up there, but this cocktail in hand won’t hurt either.
2 oz Eagle Rare Bourbon
6 blackberries
3 mint leaves
1 lemon wedge
1/4 oz maple syrup
Serve in rocks glass.
9. Basil POM Bomb
No need to feel guilty for indulging in a few of these crisp cocktails from POM Wonderful and bubbling with antioxidants!
1 1/2 oz Bombay Sapphire gin
1 1/2 oz POM Wonderful 100% Pomegranate Juice
1/2 oz fresh squeezed lime juice
3/4 oz agave
3 basil leaves, muddled
Top with Perrier or other sparkling water
Sliver of lime, garnish
Pomegranate seeds, garnish
Serve in short glass or wine glass.
10. Tickled Pickle
Caution: May cause cravings for hoagies and chips.
2 oz VDKA 6100
3/4 oz lemon juice
3/4 oz simple syrup
1 oz sour pickle brine
1 oz Australian lager beer
Combine all ingredients (except beer) in a shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a tumbler glass. Top with a heavy splash of lager beer. Stir gently, garnish with skewered mini pickles and dust with cayenne pepper.
Summer Gadget Guide 2015: Next-Gen Gizmos and Gadgets to Amp Up the Fun
- June 18, 2015 - 2:03pm
Your summer vacation gets easier and breezier with these innovative thingamajigs that make kicking back and relaxing cool and convenient.
iBT3 Splash-Proof Speaker
Pump up your jams by the pool or at the beach with the iBT3 splash-proof Bluetooth speaker from iHome. Stream your digital summer playlist – start building this year’s with Maroon 5’s chart-burning new single “This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Motherf---ker” – from your iPhone, iPad, Android, Windows, or other compatible devices. An internal rechargeable battery offers hours of play, and you can view the battery level on your iOS device so you can keep the party poppin’ all day long. A convenient carrying strap makes iBT3 easy to attach to clothing and bags for hassle-free travel. _ihomeaudio.com_
Logitech Harmony Smart Remote Control
Turn your iOS or Android device into an accessible-anywhere remote control to make summer TV watching a more mobile experience. The Logitech Harmony Smart Remote Control provides complete access to your home entertainment system from your phone or tablet providing flick-of-the-finger power in your pocket to watch TV or movies, personalize your favorite channels, connect to Netflix, listen to music, or make and accept Skype calls. _walmart.com_
FitBit Charge HR
Monitor your health more closely with the FitBit Charge HR, an advanced fitness wristband that delivers automatic, continuous heart-rate and activity tracking 24/7. With round-the-clock performance capabilities and built-in pedometer, you’ll get a more accurate all-day calorie burn from your daily routine and workouts to help you hone in on target areas and maximize training intensity, as well as sleep-quality stats for a better night’s rest. Other features include call notifications, wireless syncing and a bright OLED display. _walmart.com_
Hydaway Bottle
Free up space in your summer carryalls by swapping out your bulky water bottle for Hydaway, a collapsible, accordion-style portable hydration device that travels everywhere without taking up too much space. Certified safe and BPA-free, this silicone bottled features an engineered hinge design that expands from 1-1/4 inches flat to a full-size bottle; a carry handle that fits your finger or a carabiner for easy clipping; and a watertight seal to prevent leaks. Hydaway is the perfect compact solution for frequent flyers, parents on the go, students, fitness lovers and more. _hydawaybottle.com_
Edyn Garden Sensor
All you Mary Mary Quite Contrarys can grow crops with more confidence this summer with the Edyn gardening sensor. The solar-powered stake tracks light, humidity, temperature, soil nutrition and moisture for the most optimal growing conditions. Sync the outdoor, WiFi-enabled device to the accompanying app via your mobile device to continuously monitor conditions, pre-set sprinklers and track data so you can keep your green thumb on the pulse of your garden all season long. _edyn.com_
BioLite
Light up the night while camping or otherwise enjoying the great outdoors with the BioLite NanoGrid, a three-in-one lantern, torch and power bank for more comfortable off-grid living. The pocket-sized device, powered by the same battery used in the Tesla Model S, provides 16 watt-hours of storage, which can give juice to three-and-a-half GoPro charges, refill three iPhone 5Ss or fill two-and-a-half iPhone 6s. As a light source, BioLite offers up to 72 hours of light as a result of its dimmable settings to conserve power. _biolitestove.com_
Uno Noteband
Save a ton of time on pulling your phone out of your pocket – on average, we do it about 150 times a day – with the Uno Noteband, the world’s first wearable device that features Spritz technology, which allows users to read text messages at near-lighting speed right on their wrists. Additionally, Uno includes the world’s smallest six-axis motion tracker that integrates with Apple Health and Google Fit for a more dynamic experience. _unonoteband.com_
IceMule Cooler
Lugging around heavy plastic coolers filled to the brim with food, drinks and ice is the last thing anybody wants to do on a scorching sunny afternoon. Enter IceMule – the cool, easy-to-carry alternative, which allows you to schlep all that summertime sustenance in an insulated backpack that keeps your hands free. Available in a variety of sizes – from 10L to 40L to fit your needs – IceMule also features adjustable shoulder straps, a double-layered shell (for cold beers even on the hottest of days), a leak-proof design and pliable construction for easy, rollup storage. _icemulecooler.com_
The Reframing of Adam Lambert
- June 18, 2015 - 9:56am
Stripped of that glossy sheen, those painted nails and the purple mane that he famously flaunted on his 2009 post-American Idol debut, For Your Entertainment, Adam Lambert’s latest album cover isn’t even in color. His hair still reaches the same towering heights as his voice on The Original High, but otherwise, he’s unadorned.
The glam is gone.
In our recent interview, the Idol alum comes clean about how a long period of “overcompensation” – yes, the outfits – led him to the latest chapter in his life.
People are calling The Original High a reinvention. Is that how you see it?
It’s not the most far off thing. I consider it more like a “reframing.” I feel like it’s still me at the heart of it. It’s still my voice, but a little more grown up, and I feel like the sonic frame around the vocals is something new.
Why tweak your sound?
Because repeating myself would be sacrilege. I will not repeat myself. But I don’t know – something new. I wanted to do something fresh, and I wanted to do something that sounded like my life, and this is the kind of music that I listen to.
Do your famously passionate fans add pressure to the creative process?
Because my fans are so loyal and loving, and they’re so passionate about all the things that I do, I think that they recognize that if it’s something I believe in that’s exciting, they get excited by that. I always think about the fans, but with this album, more than ever, I’ve gone inward and wanted to make music that I have some integrity with, that meant something to me.
Why at this point in your career?
It’s time. It was time to make a shift, to do something a little different. I went through a lot of changes last year. I ended up leaving my first label (RCA Records), and I had to change management at the end of my last album; it was just time for something fresh. I just got off the tour with Queen, which was amazing for me and felt really good, and it gave me a lot of confidence and it made me not so scared about everything. It gave me a sense of career security in a way that I haven’t felt before.
What were you scared of? You’ve clearly never had trouble being yourself.
Over the last five years, right after Idol, I think there was a certain amount of overcompensation in certain ways. I was dressing really outlandishly, and it was a lot of fun and it’s definitely a part of who I am to wanna play dress up, but I think it got to a point where I was hiding behind it a bit. Behind all of that, all of everything. It was like a preemptive defense mechanism. It’s like the kid who goes to high school dressed goth and he’s actually not into the devil at all but doesn’t wanna be bothered by anybody. (Laughs) I don’t think I realized it at the time, but I can see this in hindsight now. At the time I thought, “This is who I am; this is what I do,” and now it just feels like I’m in a new place in my life. I’ve grown up and evolved and I’m in a new place, and the album – the subject matter and the sound – reflect that.
When it comes to LGBT artists, you really helped pave the way. These days, how welcoming do you think the music industry is to queer artists?
I think things are definitely going in the right direction. I just wanna see more! The great thing about having more and more artists who identify as queer is it normalizes it so the media can’t sensationalize it as an idea. In the past, I felt the media painted me as someone who’s super hypersexual and someone who only wants to talk about his orientation. While I’m very comfortable doing that, I have a lot more to talk about in reality. So, it’s been interesting. But the more of us that are out there that provide some diversity, who can show different types of gay artists, it’ll make it so it’s not as much of a big deal. It’ll be an afterthought. We’ll get to move toward a post-gay presence.
Hearing your collaboration with Tove Lo on “Rumors” on this album got me thinking: What do you think of doing a love song with another gay male artist, like Sam Smith or Jake Shears?
It’s certainly possible, yeah. With “Rumors,” it’s funny; you can listen to that and go, “Oh, it’s like a romantic duet,” but before we wrote it we were talking about being an artist in the industry and having to maintain a personal life, and how it’s a little tricky and how it’s not always easy to balance the two. So, that’s what we were singing about; it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re singing to each other – it just means we’re singing about this thing together. But yeah, a duet with a guy – who knows, it could happen!
It should happen.
You have to carry the flag! (Laughs)
Right?! Isn’t that what we’ve been saying since the beginning of your career?
It’s definitely been interesting. Really interesting. When I see that there can be a ripple effect of positivity and change and helping people just because I identify as one thing or another, and I’m OK to talk about it, that’s amazing. It’s amazing that it takes that little to make that much of an impact.
American Idol wraps next year. In your opinion, what happened to the show? Why haven’t we seen another Kelly or Carrie or Adam in recent years?
I’m not totally sure about that, but I do know that when the show first started it was a time in America when we needed something like that. I mean, 9/11 had just happened, so our country was looking for something to believe in. Not that American Idol healed us over 9/11 by itself, but it definitely reflected what we wanted from our entertainment at the time. It gave people hope that, hey, you can be from anywhere and you can have this dream and it can come true, and it was really positive in that regard.
It also came at a time when the music industry was really suffering. I mean, we had all the pirating that was going on; all of a sudden the Internet had taken the rug out from underneath the record companies, and they were looking for an answer. All of a sudden we’re giving so much power to the people. That was really impressive, because up until that point the labels really held the strings and decided what the public was going to consume.
Mariah Carey recently called American Idol “fake” and had some pointed words for the show. As a former contestant on the show, how did you feel about what she said? Did American Idol ever feel “fake” to you?
It’s a TV show. I didn’t feel like it was fake at all. I knew what the concept was. Personally, if you’re blindsided by what American Idol is, then you weren’t paying attention. It’s not that difficult to know what you’re getting yourself into. That’s why I auditioned; I knew what I was getting myself into.
Essentially, it’s a strategy for a contestant. It is about talent and it is about being a good performer, but you also have to put some thought into the songs you’re picking. I put some thought into it, and that’s partially why I think I did well. Picking a genre, picking songs that work for you, picking songs where you won’t be compared. For me, I was picking songs that are more obscure or doing them a different way.
You were crafty about it.
I’m crafty, yeah! I try to be crafty. (Laughs) And I think for the judges it’s a different game than it is for the contestants, obviously, and things shifted a bit when the show wanted to focus on the judges more than the contestants.
When we chatted in 2012, you told me a Glambert sent you a urethra rod. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for an artist you were a fan of?
I’ve never done anything like that! That was so weird when that happened. I didn’t even know what that was. Like, “what the hell is this thing?” Then I looked it up and went “whaaaaat?” I remember saying, “That’s a thing? People do that?!”
I have to say, I’ve never been a super fanatical fan of anybody. I’ve definitely been a fan. I mean, my fans have called me out before, being like, “Oh, you’re fan-boying about so-and-so,” and it’s just because I said on Twitter, “Oh, you sound great on this song,” so I guess that’s being a fan!
How often do Glamberts stop you on the street?
It happens occasionally. Maybe not so much on the street… (laughs) I know that’s just an expression.
Yes, literally in the street, in front of a car.
(Laughs) “Stop! Don’t!”
I sourced a few questions out to your biggest fans, so from here on, these are straight from the Glamberts. First, what is the greatest “Original High” you’ve ever experienced?
Standing on stage for the first time and singing. That adrenaline rush you get from that exchange with the audience is like nothing else. It bit me and then that was it. I was toast.
What do you think about when you go to sleep?
My brain is crazy. I think a lot, so I think about everything I have to do the next day. Sometimes it’s hard for me to fall asleep because of that.
If you could do something all over again, what would it be?
I don’t really have a lot of regrets, to be honest with you. I guess there have been plenty of times where I’ll meet somebody at a bar, or a friend will introduce me to somebody at a party or at dinner, and I don’t have good game. I don’t think to be outgoing or say the right thing, and then after the fact I’ll be like, “Why didn’t I just talk to that person? Why didn’t I just tell them I thought they were cute?!” I gotta say, sometimes I really don’t have very good game.
One fan wanted to know if you ever feel uncomfortable watching what’s said about you by the Glamberts on Twitter.
I don’t think “uncomfortable” is the right word, but I’m not always the best at taking a compliment. I’m pretty hard on myself and sarcastic about things, so it’s always flattering, but it makes me feel like, “Ehh, let’s talk about something else.”
What's the first thing that attracts you to a man you’re interested in?
Charm. I think charm is an amazing thing because it can make them more attractive than they are – or, without it, it can make them less attractive. I think that’s something that’s developed as I’ve gotten older. Obviously, I have my set of physical things that I like, but if somebody’s a dud and they have no personality then it all goes out the window. Charm and personality are key.
What’s one question you’re glad you’ve never had to answer?
(Laughs) I think I’ve had to answer every fucking thing you can think of!